For love-making to remain exciting over the years with the same partner, the lover must seem both familiar and at the same time strange. In this long closeness there is a certain distance that should always be maintained that is necessary, perhaps, for love-making to remain exciting. Though we may have lived with someone for many years, there will always be a part of a lover that is unfamiliar, mysterious, and incomprehensible. We never know anyone else completely, after all. There are daily actions which continue to surprise us. It is this strangeness that is part of the attraction.
So, firstly, don’t talk it away. Making love is much like writing. Just as a story or a novel is best not discussed until you have much of it down on the page, so love-making is best not analyzed by the lovers but simply acted out.
Secondly, remember that at some point you are on your own in this. It must be a completely narcissistic act. You have the right to your own pleasure. Indeed, it is in your pleasure that the other will find his/her desire. You are alone at this most intimate of moments. Allow yourself to plunge on into the sea of your own desire freely. Follow your fantasies where they might take you. Feel free to imagine anything in your own mind: make love to the woman you glanced in the elevator, to Sharon Stone, a dog, a tree, a stone, whatever appeals to you. Again, anything goes. Think of the Empress Catherine of Russia who supposedly had a horse lowered onto her bed!