Parent tip 101.
I have been fortunate enough to have been witness to several great examples of parenting. I will write about them from time to time.
The first example is credited to some of my best friends who were having a birthday party for their daughter. This was a bigger than usual party for their family, as everyone from out of town was able to make it, along with almost all their friends and their daughter's friends as well. So, to gather everyone together in one place, it made sense to have the party in a big space and there was going to need to be a lot of entertainment for all of the kids. A small banquet hall was rented, everyone brought food, and there were stations all around the hall that had different games at for all the kids. Wendy (not her real name) gathered up all of the children and was showing them what the games were and how to play them, and then she let them all at it.
At one point there was quite a ruckus, as Wendy's daughter, the birthday girl, started to cry and yell at some of the other children and her mother, saying, "This is my birthday and my party, so I am supposed to win the games and the prizes." Wendy pulled her aside and told her that the games were for all of the children to play, and she needed to share and play fair. Her daughter agreed, but at the next station, the crying and yelling began again. So, Wendy went and got her daughter, took her by the hand, and started to lead her away from the games. She asked another mom to continue to assist with the games, and she took her daughter outside of the hall.
From the looks of it, her daughter got an earful about how she was not playing nice and that she needed to act better around her guests. But, the best part was she took her daughter to a window and they stood there for almost 10 minutes watching the other children play the games and win prizes and have a good time. At first her daughter was tearful, seeing that others were winning things, but after a few minutes, it seemed as if she had learned her lesson, and now she was pleading with her mom to return to the party and promised not to complain anymore about any of the other kids winning any of the games.
Wendy brought her daughter back into the party and then took her over to a game and watched as her daughter played fairly, did not win, and personally gave the prize to the winner. At that point I walked over to Wendy and gave her a big hug and told her that she was an excellent parent, and that I was so impressed with how she handled that situation.
So many parents tell their children over and over again about what do to do or not to do, but never follow through with actually setting a limit or providing a consequence. And, the consequence does not have to be a spanking or harming someone - the removal of something highly reinforcing is a very powerful experience for a child.
Therefore, the next time that you are feeling stressed and your children are not listening to you, take a look at what you are doing to help maintain that situation, and do something different. Maybe if you remove what is maintaining their behavior, they just might have to find something else to do instead of what it is that you do not approve.
