Next comes the most difficult part of Don't Try Harder, Try Different: The fact that, from an anxiety point of view, everything is neutral. Let me state right off the bat that I am not talking about moral relativity here - this is purely about the neutrality of things that some people think are anxiety provoking while others think they are fun.
Let's pretend that there is an elevator in front of us. Waiting for the elevator with us is a 4 year old boy, a woman who works in a very tall office building, and a guy with an elevator phobia. The elevator doors open, and what happens? Well, usually, the 4-year-old runs in and wants to press all of the buttons - he is totally excited. The woman wants to just get in and get to her floor - she is indifferent, unless of course the 4-year old did press all of the buttons, and then she is rather miffed. Finally, our friend with the phobia just stands there or turns and looks for the stairs.
So, how can the elevator be exciting, frightening, and just the means to an end all at the same time? Easy - the elevator is neutral and purely subject to the perception or interpretation of all of those who are interacting with it.
It is the perception of things that is really important. It does not matter how much you might fear something - there is probably someone else who loves it. I personally really enjoyed bungee jumping in New Zealand. Others have told me that I am nuts and said that it would frighten them. So, how did I totally enjoy something that would absolutely frighten someone else? Simple, I perceived it differently than they did. Sure, I knew the risks, but I did it anyway. In fact, most of us do that.
The most dangerous thing that most of us do on a daily basis is drive in a car, and yet not too many people ponder that prior to getting into their car - they just get in. So, why do this daily activity? Because it is just what we do. But, have someone get in a plane and there is usually more fright than there is about driving, even though driving is FAR more dangerous than flying. But, if we review a few of our topics, we can see why there might be more fear. First, there is more control that is perceived in driving than in flying. Second, when you hear about plane crashes, there are usually not many survivors, but in car accidents we know plenty of people who have survived. Finally, even if you are not driving the car, you have the illusion that you could do something to stop an accident - that cannot be said about a plane. So, we drive and fear to fly, even though we are safer flying any day.
Therefore, the main concern about anxiety is not what you fear, but how you perceive what you fear. Anxiety is not the fear of a thing, it is the fear of the way you think about a thing. And, it is the perception of the thing that leads you to feel the way that you do about it. More about this in the next post....
