There are a few things that I didn't expect when I first set out to be a psychologist. One of them is seeing just how quickly and powerfully people can transform when therapy is going well--I'm still awe-struck when I look at the progress clients make during a relatively short period of time. It's like you get to see a totally different person in front of you, or more accurately you get to see more of the real person. It's difficult to put into words, but instead of someone being overwhelmed with old fears, misplaced notions, or an innacurate self-perception, you're looking at someone who's more "grounded" in who they are. It happens when there's a strong alliance and the client feels comfortable with the process. And this is a hugely rewarding part of being a therapist: witnessing that "magic" taking place. When I first started doing therapy I expected people to heal and get better, but I didn't expect it could be that powerful or happen that quickly. (This is not the case, obviously, for every client, but it's amazing how often it does happen).
Another unexpected feature of therapy is how much I'd be learning from clients. During the process, clients seem to tap into their own wisdom and insights, and as a therapist it's something that really affects you. You learn about life and you learn about yourself as the client discovers their inner self. In this sense, therapy is definitely not a one-way process. Even though the client's life is the focus, I indirectly benefit from all the learning that takes place.
And the third aspect--and I think this one came as the greatest surprise to me and I think it's also the most powerful--is the reason I wanted to write this blog entry. Because I think it's not just something that surprised me, I think that most clients are not really aware of it either. And here it is: the connections that I developed with my clients, even years ago, are just as meaningful and precious to me now as they were back then. Even years later, after having no contact with a particular client, I can still think back to the work we did together and the memory is sitting right there next to my heart. I'm not talking about the intellectual process of recalling old facts or data. And I may not remember clients I only saw for two or three sessions (although I remember many of them). I'm talking about something deeper. I'm talking about the connection that we formed and that memory, that essence, is still there. There's not a day that goes by that it doesn't come to me. Maybe while I'm taking the train, something that an old client said pops into my head. Or I have a conversation with a friend and a phrase a client used comes up. Or I go for a walk and something a client said at the end of our last session together comes to mind. But it's more than just those bits and pieces. It's the feeling, the presence, the connection, that comes back. It's remembering the face or their expression or the way they'd speak and communicate. And these times are bittersweet. Because there's a part of me that misses the person, that knows that I'm probably never going to see them--but it's also sweet because of t the appreciation of having had that experience. It's like taking a walk along the streets and pathways of your old neighborhood where you grew up, and you just take it all in, and you observe and think, and every corner you turn brings up a new set of feelings, and you wonder where some of those people might be, and you wonder how many years it's been, but underneath it all is that feeling of connectedness and appreciation for all those moments.
And I think sometimes when I start work with clients, they wonder, as it makes sense for them to wonder, "Is he really listening to me or is he just doing his job? In the end of the day, am I just another client?" And this startles me because it's so far off from what I feel. But still, these are valid questions and they reprsent very valid concerns. And I've learned that sometimes I really need to say it out loud and share it because even if now it's obvious to me, I myself didn't know it was going to be like this when I first got started, but these conversations and moments and connections--they're gold.
