Don't Be Swayed

Smartly sizing up people and relationships

by Ori and Rom Brafman

Psychologist Rom Brafman has a private practice in Palo Alto, California; he's the co-author of Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior See full bio

Comments on "What REALLY makes psychotherapy work?"

What REALLY makes psychotherapy work?

By Rom Brafman, Ph.D. on August 13, 2008 in Don't Be Swayed

What is the single factor that's most important in making psychotherapy work? Read More

Does it REALLY work ALL the time?

Submitted by Kapitano on August 14, 2008 - 2:51am.

One small detail. Sometimes psychotherapy doesn't work even when the "alliance" is a good one. Why? Because some emotional problems can't be solved by chatting to a pretend-friend.

I agree completely~The

Submitted by anonymous on August 14, 2008 - 6:25am.

I agree completely~The alliance can be a perfect fit but the reality is that you are just another "client" at the end of the day

Not true

Submitted by Anonymous on August 14, 2008 - 1:07pm.

I completely disagree. That statement, and many others writtten here, are completely arbitary. Most psychotherapists are genuinely concerned for their patients' welfare. If not, they wouldn't have become therapists in the first place. And many of the boundries impleminted by them, such as only certain times they can be called, which you interpert as signs of indifference are actually beneficual for some, like those who have boderline personality orginization and need such limits.

You're missing the point

Submitted by Kapitano on August 14, 2008 - 3:06pm.

The is not whether the therapist genuinely wants to help. The issue is whether any therapist can with the problem at hand.

Often they can't.

How so?

Submitted by Anonymous on August 14, 2008 - 7:29pm.

How so? What flaw do you see in their methods?

The trusting part is hard

Submitted by Hayley on August 14, 2008 - 6:43am.

Its hard to completely trust and open up to a stranger knowing that the "relationship" is totally one sided. How is it even possible? I've never been successful in therapy because of this.

Did you ever tell your

Submitted by Anonymous on August 14, 2008 - 12:59pm.

Did you ever tell your therapist about that? And really, a therpuetic relationship is different than any other. It's supposed to be one-sided, about YOU, and your concerns, your problems, feelings and thoughts. And how to improve your life. It would be absurd for you to walk in a therpist's office and for them to just start talking about themselves. Have you ever considered that?

validation

Submitted by Becky on August 14, 2008 - 2:03pm.

I think part of what makes a therapy relationship successful is if the client feels validated by the therapist. Although there may be some disclosure by the therapist when deemed helpful or appropriate, the discussion can be one-sided and still feel supportive and natural. Most healthy bonds come out of the other person "getting us" generating a feeling of acceptance and authenticity. Although a therapist may challange you, in a good therapeutic relationship these challanges do not feel like personal attacks. I have found that my clients who are most apprehensive about therapy are often dealing with trust issues. They want to know everything about me because "Why should I have all the power?" Once they realize they are actually in a much more powerful position as the client, and that I am not there to pass judgement on them, we can move forward with less resistance. Having recieved a lot of therapy myself, I can say that it is much more empowering to be the client and such self-focus can feel like a luxury. What friend is going to let you talk entirely about yourself without eventually wanting to turn some focus back on them? You may be one of many clients, but the therapist's dedication to you as an individual is very real.

The link in the article

Submitted by Reader on August 16, 2008 - 6:40pm.

The link in the article doesn't go to a working article. Do you have another link? Or a citation?

Thanks for the heads up, I

Submitted by Rom Brafman, Ph.D. on August 16, 2008 - 7:17pm.

Thanks for the heads up, I fixed the link. For a more in depth resource, I recommend reading THE GREAT PSYCHOTHERAPY DEBATE by Bruce E. Wampold.

what if?

Submitted by Jonathan on January 19, 2009 - 12:49pm.

What if my problem is exactly feeling connected and building relation ships, i have a big trouble with it and a crippling shyness

What makes psychotherapy work

Submitted by Christine Bonsmann on February 1, 2010 - 3:00pm.

My experience is that the therapeutic relationship is the single most important factor in psychotherapy and feeling safe and having clear boundaries are crucial. Also the readiness and willingness of the client to engage in the process may predict whether the therapy will be successful.