one of the best posts i have seen on the topic, well done

I agree that the teen is starting to pull away and test his or her ability to grow up. The best thing a parent can do is help them with this process by communicating with their teen differently, more as an adult, not a child. Include them in the decision making process, give them some credit for knowing what is good for them.

Give them some credit on making good decisions period and help them become better decision makers by including them in the process. Isn't that our job, to raise our teen to be a responsible adult.

When ever a parent gives his opinion to their teen, it looks like a judgment, and the teen will shut down. So try to step into their reality and keep your emotions out of it. If a teen thinks you understand him or her and you are not reacting, they are more likely to make better decisions for themselves with you and when you are not around.

Being a teen is a very confusing time, help them navigate those rocky times by helping them understand themselves by you understanding them.

Debra Beck
Author of My Feet Aren't Ugly, A girl's guide to loving herself from the inside out.

This is interesting, very well put, and clever, but I'm surprised it needed studying to discover. It's always seemed sort of obvious (says a 17 year old, which might explain it).

When you're a teenager, you aren't in that stage between childhood and adulthood. You aren't an almost-mature person ruled by impulses. You're you. You're as mature as you ever were, and therefore can't understand a greater level of maturity yet. At most, you know adults are mature in a different, more boring way, but they aren't smarter or wiser than you are.

When coming into yourself, you expect people to treat it the same way as you would to them. "I'm dying my hair purple" (because I want to be different), is the same as "I'm taking a pottery class" (to expand my learning and to meet new people).

A quick note to all parents; never, under any circumstance, tell a teen you understand they're behaving the way they are, "because you're a teenager." It's incredibly insulting, just thinking about it makes me want to hit something. Tell someone they're only thinking this way "because you're a New Yorker" or "because you're 32, not 33" or, my favourite, "are you sure you aren't feeling this way because you're PMSing?"

It's telling your teenager their emotions and ideas aren't as valid as yours, because they're too young to understand, or hormonal, or lack experience. Sorry for the rant, but it's infuriating.