Domestic Intelligence

From surly teens to tough mothers-in-law, how to understand what's going on in your family.

Dr. Terri Apter is Senior Tutor at Newnham College, University of Cambridge. Her most recent book is The Sister Knot (2007). Her personal website is terriapter.com. See full bio

October 2, 2008, Parenting

Comments on "Sex Talk: how can we help our teenagers take control?"

Sex Talk: how can we help our teenagers take control?

By Dr. Terri Apter on October 2, 2008 in Domestic Intelligence

It may be that 17-year-old Bristol Palin made a decision not to use birth control when she had sex with her boyfriend. It may be that she thought using birth control was a greater sin than having sex. But as a mother of two daughters and a psychologist interested in how we can talk straightforwardly and effectively to our children about sex and sexuality, my best guess is that Bristol did not really make a decision, and that she would agree with her mother that her pregnancy is the result of a simple "mistake" that anyone can make. But most parents I speak to want to reduce the risk that their teenager will make such a mistake. Read More

emotional preparedness

Submitted by Becky on October 3, 2008 - 10:35am.

This article makes sense. I read in a previous blog that there is evidence suggesting that teens don't actually think "it won't happen to me", and may even overestimate thier liklihood of getting pregnant or experiencing some other life woe. The problem is, that despite believing it can happen, they are unlikely to effectively predict emotional consequence. Unlike adults who can establish what a future consequence will be like, teens rarely establish this and therefore don't have as much emotional drive to make better choices. Involving the emotional aspects of sex into frank discussions is certainly a step in helping develop this skill.