Domestic Intelligence

From surly teens to tough mothers-in-law, how to understand what's going on in your family.

Dr. Terri Apter is Senior Tutor at Newnham College, University of Cambridge. Her most recent book is The Sister Knot (2007). Her personal website is terriapter.com. See full bio

August 11, 2009

In-law conflict and troubled marriages

It's the power struggle that blights millions of marriages, but few understand this ancient conflict. Read More

May 26, 2009

The science of praise

Praise is a highly emotive interpersonal tool, and it is more difficult to use than we think. Read More

May 4, 2009

Our child’s self esteem: When should we worry?

If hard work is more important than talent, then a child's self esteem is key Read More

April 1, 2009

Why do girls engage in those terrible friendship wars?

Mothers of daughters often dread the advent of the friendship wars. "Uh oh, here it is," they often think as they see their daughter come home crying from school for the first time because another girl called her "a name". Read More

March 16, 2009

Sisters: love and rivalry

Sibling squabbles are a familiar part of family life, but the mind-shaping importance of the passionate mix of love and rivalry is often ignored. Read More

January 19, 2009

Teens and parents in conflict

"There's no point in talking to you: you don't understand me. You don't even know me."

A teen spits these words at a parent, who is hurt and outraged. How can her own child say these things?

December 15, 2008

Mother-Daughter Envy: Truth or Fable?

During the past month, I've been phoned several times by several different journalists keen to write a feature on mother/daughter envy. "Why are mothers envious of their daughters?" I am asked. Read More

November 18, 2008

Do Cross-Gender Friendships Always Have a Sexual Element?

Female friendships are well-known for their passionate nature. A female friend is a "soulmate", or, if the relationship turns sour, she is a "betrayer" who dashes one's faith in all friendships. But for some reason, there is a general cynicism about passionate closeness between a male and female friend. Read More

November 4, 2008

How will recession affect twixters?

At the turn of this century I studied the transition from adolescence into adulthood. Read More

October 13, 2008

Re-thinking Hansel and Gretel

I have a particular fondness for the story of Hansel and Gretel. First, there is that soul-warming image of sibling love and protection. Second, there's that feisty young girl, who scouts out every plot against her, solves every problem, and saves her brother. Third, there's that underlying justification of dislike for the step-mother which, for reasons I won't go into, strikes a chord in me. Read More

Books by Dr. Terri Apter

The Sister Knot: Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What

What Do You Want from Me?: Learning to Get Along with In-Laws

Relationships Basics

Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.

Go to the Relationships Basics page for more on Relationships including:

Current Issue

Everyday Creativity

How to start living creatively and reap the benefits.

Subscribe to Domestic Intelligence

Books by Dr. Terri Apter

Relationships Basics

Current Issue