Domestic Intelligence

From surly teens to tough mothers-in-law, how to understand what's going on in your family.

By Dr. Terri Apter

The science of praise

By Dr. Terri Apter on May 26, 2009 - 6:43am in Domestic Intelligence

Praise is a highly emotive interpersonal tool, and it is more difficult to use than we think. Read More

Our child’s self esteem: When should we worry?

By Dr. Terri Apter on May 4, 2009 - 12:50pm in Domestic Intelligence

If hard work is more important than talent, then a child's self esteem is key Read More

Why do girls engage in those terrible friendship wars?

By Dr. Terri Apter on April 1, 2009 - 4:36am in Domestic Intelligence

Mothers of daughters often dread the advent of the friendship wars. "Uh oh, here it is," they often think as they see their daughter come home crying from school for the first time because another girl called her "a name". Read More

Sisters: love and rivalry

By Dr. Terri Apter on March 16, 2009 - 7:48am in Domestic Intelligence

Sibling squabbles are a familiar part of family life, but the mind-shaping importance of the passionate mix of love and rivalry is often ignored. Read More

Teens and parents in conflict

By Dr. Terri Apter on January 19, 2009 - 4:13am in Domestic Intelligence

"There's no point in talking to you: you don't understand me. You don't even know me."

A teen spits these words at a parent, who is hurt and outraged. How can her own child say these things?

Mother-daughter envy: truth or fable?

By Dr. Terri Apter on December 15, 2008 - 9:55am in Domestic Intelligence

During the past month, I've been phoned several times by several different journalists keen to write a feature on mother/daughter envy. "Why are mothers envious of their daughters?" I am asked. Read More

Do Cross-Gender Friendships Always Have a Sexual Element?

By Dr. Terri Apter on November 18, 2008 - 5:21am in Domestic Intelligence

Female friendships are well-known for their passionate nature. A female friend is a "soulmate", or, if the relationship turns sour, she is a "betrayer" who dashes one's faith in all friendships. But for some reason, there is a general cynicism about passionate closeness between a male and female friend. Read More

How will recession affect twixters?

By Dr. Terri Apter on November 4, 2008 - 7:30am in Domestic Intelligence

At the turn of this century I studied the transition from adolescence into adulthood. Read More

Re-thinking Hansel and Gretel

By Dr. Terri Apter on October 13, 2008 - 8:34am in Domestic Intelligence

I have a particular fondness for the story of Hansel and Gretel. First, there is that soul-warming image of sibling love and protection. Second, there's that feisty young girl, who scouts out every plot against her, solves every problem, and saves her brother. Third, there's that underlying justification of dislike for the step-mother which, for reasons I won't go into, strikes a chord in me. Read More

Sex Talk: how can we help our teenagers take control?

By Dr. Terri Apter on October 2, 2008 - 12:00pm in Domestic Intelligence

It may be that 17-year-old Bristol Palin made a decision not to use birth control when she had sex with her boyfriend. It may be that she thought using birth control was a greater sin than having sex. But as a mother of two daughters and a psychologist interested in how we can talk straightforwardly and effectively to our children about sex and sexuality, my best guess is that Bristol did not really make a decision, and that she would agree with her mother that her pregnancy is the result of a simple "mistake" that anyone can make. But most parents I speak to want to reduce the risk that their teenager will make such a mistake. Read More