Divorce for Grownups

Divorce Need Not be Destructive--Here's Why

Sam Margulies PhD, Esq. has been active in mediation for thirty years. He has written three books, numerous articles and has taught and consulted throughout the country. See full bio

February 3, 2009, Relationships

Divorce and the Recession

Recession makes divorce more difficult but often makes it more necessary.

The economic woes that have descended on the country promise to be a two edge blade for couples considering divorce.

On the one hand layoffs, foreclosures, angry unpaid creditors and general belt tightening increase the level of family anxiety and create other problems that stress the marriage. Already weakened marriages are further assaulted and the impulse to divorce, on the part of at least one partner, increases. For couples who have a history of conflict over money or conflicting spending styles fighting increases and with it the sense of despair which is the death knell of many marriages.

But on the other hand divorce is expensive. Lawyers want retainers and cash is short while credit has tightened. Divorce requires the establishment of a second household and the two households typically cost thirty percent more than the one household. So a thirty percent increase at a time of shrinking income may be too daunting for even the most intrepid and the decision to tough it out a bit longer becomes more logical. But this means more families living under very strained circumstances which in turn create other problems such as depression in both children and parents and more active fighting over the allocation of scarce resources. In my experience this pressure cooker living still leads to divorce but when the divorce is precipitated it is all the more bitter.

As the recession lingers it will be interesting to see how people manage divorce. One logical outcome would be an increased reliance on mediation and collaborative divorce which can radically reduce the legal costs and increase cooperation enabling the family to get use their resources efficiently. But mediation has been compellingly logical for the past thirty years and is still used by only a minority of couples. Another outcome that I expect to see is an increase in domestic violence complaints both real and phony. The real ones will be the result of heightened tension in the households and the phony ones will be the result of spouse so desperate to get the other out of the house that they will resort to anything including perjury.

Generally the recession will cause people to try to live longer under emotionally strained circumstances but I don't think that there will be any long term reduction in divorce.