I agree that emotional disconnect is probably responsible for the dissolution of many marriages. It seems, however, that it is mainly women who cite this emotional distance as more of a betrayl, where as men still find physical intimacy to be a greater betrayal. Its a sort of "He can sleep with her, but God forbid he connect with her" vs. "She can connect with him, but God forbid she sleep with him." This is where I become confused in regards to pornography. I can see having an aversion to the industry in general, but does any woman really believe her husband is falling in love with porn stars? I have a girl friend who has a very attentive husband ( his love of porn is not a replacement for marital sex and satisfaction)and yet she becomes very jealous any time he goes to a strip club with buddies or looks up porn on-line. I finally just asked her. "If you think he really would leave you for a stripper, why are you with him?" She responded, "I know he won't leave me, but he should be happy enough just looking at my body." I found that statement ridiculous. My boyfriend is gorgeous but I still enjoy checking out other men and I want hime to enjoy checking out other women. Why would I deny him that basic human trait?

I can't speak for others, but I feel lonely, isolated and disconnected from my mate: she has no interest in sex at all, has never initiated it, and has taken frequent "holidays" from it (such as when pregnant). Now we have a celibate marriage, but I'm trapped, because I'd lose my children if I left. Here are some of the indications, for the benefit of others:

Experimentation? Forget it! Seductive behaviour? No chance! Reading about how to improve matters? That's tantamount to adultery! Counselling? You've got to be joking!

And no, there hasn't been any adultery - just one adult's life made a misery by another's inability to see her own weaknesses and try to make an effort to overcome them. There are men (and so far as I know, no women) that go to the extent of suicide as a cry for help in these circumstances.

maybe its time to rethink marriage :P

i mean, you're talking about sexual impulses and short term emotional intimacy leading to a LEGAL PARTNERSHIP that involves join property and guardianship of children.

maybe we should rethink the entire thing, rather than taking cues from a 2000 year old book, and staring blankly when it continues to fail at greater than 50% as a strategy.

and seriously lol, as a side note: if your hubby is looking at porn to masturbate each day, maybe you should be masturbating him each day if you expect him to come to you for sex at all anymore. and if you don't like doing it, well, how did you first hook up? and why? were there other motivations?

lets examine the root of the problem here. you've got a LIFETIME LEGAL PARTNERSHIP that is based on Bronze Age Myths and 'staple assumptions' that do not accurately reflect human impulses, needs, or desires. i'll just leave it at that.

and o man, that one lady made me lol for sure with "that worked ok for a while". i bet it did.

You made a few interesting points in your article but what about Cybersex?
I'm sure that many marriages are erroded by a spouses "relationships" on the Internet.
Does a virtual relationship constitute infidelity?
More and more married men and women alike go into chat rooms and dating sites to satisfy their emotional and/physical needs.
Are they cheating? I would answer in the affirmative as they are doing something without the other being aware and something is lacking in their relationship.
I'm sure that a high percentage of marriages end in divorce because of cybersex (not pornography).

Why on earth would it be acceptable to watch pornography if the leading causes and/or rise of divorces in the last 10 years? If it does no harm, then why on earth do people get divorced? You know, maybe I am somewhat of a "conservative", but if you think back to the "olden days", people didn't watch porn. They had to work it out with their mates. The amount of pornography that is on the internet and everywhere is ridiculous and I think it is evil. I hold every person responsible that makes porn, sells porn and watches porn responsible for divorces.
I have been married for 3 years, together with him for 4 years. My soon to be ex-husband is a porn addict. I told him how I felt about it from the very beginning of our relationship (before marriage) and he "portrayed" himself in a way that porn was not a stronghold in his life. When you have something that you sneak around, it is lying, it is deceiptful, shameful and therefore, he should not have been doing it to begin with. He hid his porn addiction for 4 years from me. I found it a month ago, and he filed for divorce. When he would choose porn over a loving wife, that is seriously sad!!! What has the world come to?!?!? He hid it for 4 years, and then last year he decided to run a porn website and hide the money from me. My soon to be ex-husband is an upstanding person in the community (fireman) but he should not be trusted with the community until he can work his "issues" out. Not that I am condoning any type of porn, but his was not even "normal" or mainstream porn, it was shock, hard-porn. Who in their right minds would truly want to watch that to begin with!!! Disgusting!

In Matthew 5:28 says But I tell you that anyone who looks at a women
lustfully has commited adultery with her in his heart. It also goes on to say if your eye cause you to sin gouge it out and throw it away.it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown in hell. I'm sick of people saying it's ok! for this trash to lure our husbands,brothers and other family members to sin. I hate pron it is destorying many marriges,homes and FAMILYS, so anybody that can say its ok will have a lot to answer to on JUDEMENT DAY and GOD will send all those to the place they need to be. God help their wicked soul