Ms. Weiner-Davis,
I wholly agree with your blog. As the participating partner, I went through numerous counseling sessions alone and with my husband, extended prayer times with our pastor and his wife, and a LOT of talking, crying, getting angry, and the like. I can truly say that my marriage benefitted from the infidelity I chose to participate in. I take full responsibility for it every day to my husband and to my children.

It almost ruined our lives, our family, and our faith, but we chose to spend the time to explore what needs were not being met. I have a wonderful spouse, a man of integrity and there is not one iota of blame for what I chose to go out and do.

Those initial first few months (or year!) are a time when extended family, employers, and everyone in our community of choice, need to provide those times together to hash out the feelings, the anger, and to start to rebuild trust again--something that may take years! What a wonderful idea of "infdelity leave"!

I am soon to be a licensed MFT and I look forward to working with couples who are recovering from their own infidelity. Thank you for your committment to those that want something more intimate with their partners and are committed to the work!
K

I agree. As a wife of 28 years, I need to know...is it healthy for a 48 year old man to watch porn, hide playboy pics and have a very strong desire for sex? My husband and I both agree that we have a fantastic sex life. Recently, I have found that he has been ordering porn on tv over the last month. He had an affair(s) 2-3 years ago while we were living apart due to his job location. Until I stumbled onto the history of channels purchased, I wouldn't have thought anything was different in our lives. I have since found playboy pics and internet porn he has watched. He says he just likes it, even though I don't understand. Is this healthy or is he a pervert?