Divorce Busting

If you didn't feel what you're describing, I would think you were a terrible mother. The problem isn't the feeling per se, but the fact that is so overwhelming many are unable to let go. As te son of a mother that doesn't let go, I ask you all, please, let us go, we wont be too far away. But, please, don't place this weight on our shoulders. Sorry for this, but I had to take it out.

Guess we live in sort of parallel universes. I've felt saddened for the last five years around this time of year. By the end of the 03 school year my extremely rare progressive disease finally caught up with me to the point where I could't work outside the house anymore.

Prior to that, I'd worked with elementary school children for 23 years, most of that time as a school counselor. Since neither my sister nor I have children, I went from a life filled with children to none.

Thanks for sharing this. I've seen several articles lately which maintain that there is no such thing as an "empty nest" syndrome and that most people are happier when their children leave home. That may be true for most people, but I seem to be a "slow learner" who is still struggling to appreciate how utterly quiet things are now that most of the beds are empty. I'm proud that my children are doing well on their own and wouldn't dream of holding them back, but there is still a big hole in my life and I, too, "just don't like it." My own unscientific survey has turned up more "mourning dads" than I would have imagined.

Yes, been there and done that about 5 years ago, but learned more about what this whole thing is about than what you touched on. Seeing little ones at the school bus, moms carpooling at the corner and ads for school supplies does make a mom whose kids are off making their way in life alittle sad and maybe yearing for some of the 'years gone by', but these feelings also signal that it is time for a change in the mom's life. Letting go maybe difficult, but facing that fact that our lives now have to search for some different meaning than 'taking care of the kids' can be scary. We now have to find satisfaction through different venues and it sometimes takes a while to find out what it is that will give us satisfaction and meaning in our new, "empty nest" lives. It doesn't happen immediately and the interim is slow and confusing but it will and does happen. Good luck!

As the grown and out-of-the-nest child of a single mother who I know is suffering in the same way that you are, I need to ask: What can we fledgelings do to ease the sorrow of our parents?

I believe i will miss my children too much as well, but i am a melancholic after all. It will serve you well to acknowledge this could depress some people more, especially women who are prone to such mental disorders. Sincerely David

I resonate with what you're saying Michele. The fall is a time of bittersweetness for me. Nostalgic becomes my middle name.

All four of my children are living out of state right now. I miss them terribly. I'm kicking myself for not being one of those guilt-inducing parents that brainwash their children from early on with the message that "there's no place like home".

I am saying goodbye to my 18 year-old daughter on Sunday as she starts her freshman year in college. I can't begin to describe how raw I feel. It's just been lovely daughter and me since she was a year old. While I am very proud of her, I wish this day was not upon us. I have a full life with a satisfying job and then some, a man who loves me and wants a future together, a lovely home...all of the things that should make up for the space left in my heart when my daughter departs for school. I have been crying secretly for days and can't seem to find a way to stop these feelings of loss and sadness.

I am just experiencing this immense lonely pain of our daughter leaving home for good on her new adventure as a young adult.My husband is fine with it but I am so sad and empty inside it is so consuming.I am aware of how I need to encourage my daughter and how she is so excited and I would never want to rob her of all of that.This is such personal and lonely experience that is so raw and so internal and I know it needs to stay that way.I don't want to talk to anyone about it as I know it has to be...so I guess just putting it out there helps me in some weird way.I need to rediscover myself and get to know who I am as I have not done this for 18years.
I guess I am afraid.

Where has the time gone. We have raised 4 children, 2 girls and 2 boys, I have been a mom for 28 years and now the time has come for youngest daughter to sprout wings and fly to college. I have grandchildren and still have such regret that she is at this stage ion her life. I will miss her greatly and don't quite know what to do with myself. It will be lonely and way too quiet I already know. I have two empty bedrooms that collect dust and stuff that we don't need or use anymore. I hope our 30 year marriage is strong enough to withstand not having children around. It kinda scares me life without the constant of kids and kids friends and constant commotion around.

Just something to think about.
Lynn ./.

I would like to agree with Cindi,having arrived at this discussion a year or so late.having just said goodbye to my daughter,I have realised that my daughter was the stronger of us.She left,telling me that her job was to follow her path,which didn't mean that she didn't love me ,but it was simply necessary.
So be strong Cindi,it is right that you lead your life.What we mothers do ,is our problem and not yours.Thanks for listening.

Background: 1 daughter married and almost 2 grandchildren - live in same town; 1 son married and live 500 miles away next to his wife's parents; 1 son - 24 and not interested in parents... only friends.
I raised my children in hopes of having ongoing relationships with them. My sons have moved on in their lives and are fine with a few phone calls and visiting 3 times a year. That is hard and painful but kind of expected.

My daughter and grandchildren live nearby and the relationship is healthy, meaningful, and independent... wonderful. The problem is they are probably going to move out of state in a few months and the thought of losing the close relationship literally breaks my heart. My time is not consumed with her or her friends.... she is independent and building her own life. But it is nice to drop in to see her or have dinner once a week.

I really don't know how to do this part of life. It hurts too much.