Dang, if my husband looked like the guy in the picture and he wouldn't sleep with me I'd be miffed too. :P He should at least allow her to lick that stomach on a regular basis.

I'm not married, but my long term partner has shut down sexually. Our relationship is open and we've got a mutual friend I can turn to when I need some. My partner doesn't object to this as long as it doesn't interfere with plans we had to spend time together.

So I'm not starved, and I don't feel like he's emotionally or physically unavailabe - he just doesn't wanna get jiggy anymore. He doesn't refuse to talk about it, but can't really say why.

And no actually, his machinery is working as well as it always did.

My husband and I are both forty and he rarely wants to have sex. If I never initiated sex I beleve we would only do it 1-2 times a month. I would prefer 2-3 a week. But I wanted to speak about the asking for sex. It is demoralizing to have to ask sex constantly. Sometimes it makes me feel like crap and instead of having to deal with the rejection it is easier just to satisfy myself.

Hello Michelle,
I am not sex-starved, But Michelle, why do you feel I am always having to ask my wife of twenty years for us to have sex? She is often complimentary, and says she enjoys it. Yet, I feel it selfishness veto power she loves.

Recently, it was time to go to bed, I was upset w/ her that she was again going to watch TV until midnight, that this is ALWAYS the case, so I told her that was it "I am not begging you anymore, I am a man, you know".

The very next night she turned off the TV, came to bed ten minutes after me and surprised me hopping in bed naked and ready to roll!

Michelle, what does your experience tell you is going on here in our marriage?

just when I thought I was on my own with this issue... THANK YOU FOR BRINGING IT UP (no pun intended!)!!! I was always the more sexual person in our relationship, and I never wanted to reduce the man I love just to his penis or my relationship with the latter. But have you ever thought about what lack of sex AND getting turned down time and time again does to a woman's self-esteem, not to mention her irritability? Is it too much to ask for physical intimacy once a week? I know he's stressed, but hey, so am I - distancing yourself from me will only create even more problems, see vicious-nag-cycle described above. If he'd at least be willing to talk about it, but ignoring the ever-growing pink elephant in the room is making it harder and harder (oh, don't I wish...) to bridge the gap that's been widening with every eye-roll and shrug in the opposite direction. I'm beginning to question other parts of our marriage, for goodness' sake! If this is supposed to be some freak-a** test to see how long I'll put up with this, I'll tell you know this is going to backfire. I'm only one woman, my patience won't last forever. I didn't get married to masturbate! :-)
Ok, rant over. I love my man, I do, but I also love to get laid. Sex is such an integral part of the connection between two people in love, and I don't even want to sound corny. It's just the way I see it. Two people not having sex are friends. Marriage is for lovers.

What comes first?:
The complaining!!!
Ladies,
You need to stop complaining
and
start initiating sex
before
things start to go bad,
not later.

Instead of constantly trying to change him,
maybe you shouldn't have married that man.
Fighting, complaining about HIM CHANGING IS
the #1 problem in the married battle of the sexes.
My advice:
Find a man who you respect and
who shares your WORLD VIEW;
NOT one who you want to change.
IF YOU CAN'T FIND HIM
THEN PERHAPS YOU SHOULDN'T GET MARRIED
UNTIL YOU DO(if you don't, then don't).

How come that when a man wants sex
he's an animal;
but when a woman wants sex
it's a spiritual and emotional issue
that needs to be explored and remedied.
Can one of you Ladies tell me?

There is nothing a woman likes better than to set up a situation where her man is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. That way she can dispense approval or disapproval according to her mood of the moment. It's no wonder guys get tired of it. If she wants sex she should do what guys have had to do since the beginning of time; figure out what it takes to lure and seduce your partner into the sack. Here's a hint for those slow on the uptake. Nagging isn't it.

I have been married 35 years, and my wife didn't want to get it on on our wedding night. It's been a problem ever since. Talk about manipulation - I believe that is the primary reason women do this, other than they are lesbians. Why have I allowed myself to be? The list of reasons is endless, religious reasons, 2 kids, I luv her, etc. What a life. MEN - I DON'T RECOMMEND IT! If your wife is doing this to you ditch her, like I FINALLY am going to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darn, I could almost call myself one of these "sex-starved wives" but well... I happen to be living together with another girl, and yeah, we are a couple :) I am the one who loves sex, I wouldn't mind doing it 3 times a day, trying out new exciting things, heck, even do it somewhere risky and rather public, but she doesn't really like it as much as I do. She wants it only about once a month. It's stressing for me but complaining doesn't really help much either. I've tried to ask her why does she want to make love so rarely and she can't really give any reason. Guess she just isn't so driven as I am. Complaining won't change that. I'll just keep on trying, even if it sometimes pretty awful to be constantly pushed away.

Thanks for finally mentioning depression in your article.No matter what the complaint or who's holding off for what reason,depression is the main reason for loss of desire- period.Resentment is simply being confused about why your spouses personality has changed and the depressives slow fading from life. Weather a man or a woman, mental illness is the libido killer.sincerely-David Petropoulos

I was once very into my wife. Then she started getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Then... 'How dare I make her change her life for me.'

The media paints the man as the bad guy for not being sensitive to a woman's needs. 85% of women are either soo fat no-one wants her or, too full of bs idea that the media propagates, to be wanted by a mainstream man.

But its the mans fault because her colossal fatness is a 'lifestyle decision' that they have no right to question. That a women should never change for a man yet womens national pastime is changing men. Men have no right to demand what they want and are left to let her take half of everything plus the kids and be left destitute.

I guess it boils down to the double standard. Women change men as a hobby and a man has no right over a womens 'body'

I wonder if most women realize the little things they do that make them sexier. They are so subtle, that I don't think they realize what a turn on they are. Even a mildly attractive woman can become instantly SEXY to me if they exude a casual/friendly outward nature. Ex-girlfriends of mine could have me panting with a smirk, a funny joke, even a belch. I don't think I have an overactive sex drive, but I do know that as nice as lingerie can be, the purpose is to get it off. So what's the point? There is something so much sexier about fighting to tear off a woman's jeans, or unfastening of a bra, or a subtle glimpse of the small of a back than there is an overt sexual gesture, or provacative lingerie.

Wow, that's a lot of bitterness in one comment thread. And almost all from men, which is especially interesting since the post was about sex-starved *women*. It's the girls' turn to complain, you berks!

I may be a naive, starry-eyed 27-year-old with a blind spot where monogamy is concerned, but from what I can tell, the attitudes displayed by the guys posting here is probably NOT part of the solution.

Seriously, listen to yourselves!

85% of women are to fat to be desirable? Women refuse sex because they are manipulative and evil, or lesbians? Men don't want to have sex because women are nag-machines? It's the veto power she loves?

Guys, I hate to tell you this, but unless you can get yourself interested in men somehow, you're going to be stuck with women for the rest of your lives. How about not assuming she's doing this to spite you? How about trying to see things from her perspective? How about working to improve things, even IF you think SHE is to blame? How about having a little hope for humanity, for crying out loud?

Then, maybe it's easy for me to talk. I'm getting what I need.

Hi there,
I appreciated your recent PT blog entry on low male libido. Please disregard the hateful comments posted by clueless men. The issue you described is very real, and is one I have endured for the last 12 years, since my longtime boyfriend and I fell in love in high school. We did seek therapy and I believe my partner's core issue is a depressive state, which affects all his primary behaviors: sleeping, eating, sex, etc. He is extremely demonstrative and loving in every other way, so in essence is the OPPOSITE of the stereotypical male partner many women complain about. And, unlike in marriages where the man "gets tired of" the woman and roams, he truly has no sexual desire in anyone and never really has. Thank you for validating this very frustrating experience that is the one weight on our otherwise wonderful relationship. I encourage members of your field to research this issue despite it not being in keeping with society's M.O.
Thank you--