Disturbed

Criminal profiling and the deviant mind

Don't Hate Yourself Because You Are Fat

Many who are overweight come to hate themselves, and this should never happen.

Being heavy is not easy. It is not just one big doughnut party after another. There are so many reasons why people are overweight, and many of those reasons include illnesses and bad circumstances.

Everything from a terrible injury, illness, or trauma can make a person pack on the pounds. And even though those who are heavy understand their situations, they too often come to adopt society’s contempt for fat. In short, so many people who struggle with their weight begin to hate themselves. Instead of seeing their beauty, they focus on how a shallow society views them. Then they incorporate that hateful view into their self image.

This should never happen, of course, because we all have things about our appearances that we wish we could change. Yet, time and time again, heavy people can become self loathing and angry at themselves. Inside their heads, this little voice says ‘you aren’t good enough.’ When truth is told, these are some of the most beautiful individuals you will come across. There is nothing wrong with them. People come in all shapes and sizes, and beauty transcends our outward appearances.

It is striking that in today’s society, being mean to fat people is almost applauded. You see fat jokes on almost every network which tells people it is ok to berate those who are heavy. Almost everywhere you look, you see skinny as the ideal, and woe to those who don’t fit that ‘ideal.’

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Fat people take notice of the subtle and not so subtle jabs against them. And when you are constantly told you are not good enough, that you are wrong, many times you start to believe it. Those who have dealt with weight their entire lives know how they are viewed and will often make fat jokes about themselves in order to keep others from hurting them with the same cutting words.

Basically, they ‘cut’ themselves before they can be jabbed by someone else. The sad part is that many don’t even realize that they have adopted this hated self image. They may make the fat jokes about themselves not seeing what they are doing. Every time you make a disparaging comment about yourself, you die a little inside. You are scarring your soul. What you are saying is ‘I am ugly and wrong.’ That is simply not true.

Though others can be cruel, we can be our most nasty critics. The things that run through our heads, the self hate, can be overwhelming. If you don’t believe it, create a diary and log each time you have a negative thought about yourself. If you do this, you will be shocked at how much you tear yourself down. You will find that when others treat you badly, you will join in with the bullies and be worse to yourself in your thoughts.

For example, say you are sitting down to eat. You have a plate of your favorite food, and instead of enjoying it, you berate yourself and say you are a ‘pig’ for eating such treats. You may feel embarrassed that you are eating at all. Of course flogging yourself like that does nothing for your self worth. All this does is reinforce a bad self image, and it prevents you from loving yourself.

You deserve happiness and the good feelings that come with knowing that you are OK the way you are. Weight may be difficult for you, but that doesn’t mean you cannot live and enjoy your life. The time we have on Earth is too short to worry about fitting into jeans or not being a certain size. I guarantee you that if you don’t learn to love yourself, even if you lost weight, you still would not be happy. You won’t find happiness in a pair of skinny jeans.

You need to come to terms with who you are and embrace your heart. Nourish yourself by telling yourself that you are fine. You look beautiful, no matter what anyone says.

If you feel like everyone is against you and that no one understands, remember that I understand. You need to know that there are many, many people out there who know what it is to struggle with weight, and they do not judge you. And those who show hate should not be on your radar. They are joy suckers who feed on hurting others to make themselves feel better. Ignore them.

Sometimes you need to hear that you have permission to like yourself. Give yourself a break. Life is hard and you deserve to smile. No one knows your situation better than you do, and others have no right to judge you. Look at the upcoming holiday season as a good thing and don’t worry about all the delicious foods you will come across. Enjoy those meals and love yourself.

I can guarantee that when this life comes to an end and you cross over, God will not ask you why you didn’t lose weight. Instead you will be asked why you didn’t love yourself.

Deborah Schurman-Kauflin, Ph.D., is a criminal profiler and expert on serial crimes.

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