Editor's Note: Welcome to the new Wednesday feature, Words of Wisdom Wednesday. We could all use a little more wisdom and advice in our lives, so each week, look to this blog for interviews and insights from experts, organizations and real people living, working and most of all, thriving in the disability world. I guarantee you it will open your eyes. I know it will open mine.
I "met" Amamda after she discovered my blog and found me on facebook (friend me if you like!). I was immediately struck my her strength, confidence and honesty. This woman was a girl after my own heart.
"Living with a physical disability is what a person makes it out to be," she wrote in her facebook biography. "A disability can either be a tiny house made of thin pieces of wood held together by nails about to come apart or the perspective can be a huge Victorian house decorated with exterior that is inviting to all walks of life."
I knew I had to share this woman's incredible story with the rest of the world. Here's what she had to say about her disability and where it's taken her on life's journey. This is her story.
Tell me a little about yourself, including your disability
I was a natural non-disabled Christmas baby. At three months, a disorder known as Cerebral Palsy hit my body. CP affected parts of my brain that resulted in slower speech and movements. I stutter. My left hand and right leg are weaker. At the age of two, I was enrolled in a multi-handicapped class in central Oklahoma. I later attended a special education class in northern Oklahoma. One of the highlights was attending the State Special Olympics in 1988. I remember walking fast in my walker around Boone Pickens Stadium. In 1989, I began school in a regular classroom. My mind was not affected, and with reading literature, dreams formed. I saw myself as a ballerina dancing across the stage. I read Nancy Drew mysteries, The Boxcar Children, and The Babysitters Club, to name a few adventurous books. My mind was up to the adventures, but my body disagreed. My friends were at an age where dating and learning how to drive were interesting. As the years passed, I fell into a depression. When I looked in the mirror, all I saw was the disability. The negative aspects of the disability controlled my life. I had anger. My parents and I fought constantly. I had a social fear. I did not enjoy being in crowds. I did not enjoy eating in public settings due to the fear of being stared at.
What has been the most significant obstacle you've overcome in life? How did you overcome it?
I moved out of my parents' house when I was 20. I moved into an apartment in southern Oklahoma at 21. I had to learn everything from paying bills to doing laundry. The choice was mine. I don't like to depend on other people much for helping out in my home life. I have my own cooking system. When I moved out, my mother gave a big gray pot. I have since learned how to cook easy foods in it safely. I set a stool up in front of the washer and dryer and climb in to dig the clothes out. Afterwards, I set them in a laundry basket to switch over. I get excited over pouring laundry soap into the washer or taking out the trash. I was also 21 when I made the decision to have a tubal ligation. Some reasons included the following: Would my child respect me as a mother later on through the adolescent years? Would I be able to talk to my child verbally and him or her be able to understand everything I was to say? What would the reaction of my child's junior high and high school friends be to me? A few years passed, and my body began to release more hormones that left me with heavier flows of menstrual cycles. A new procedure came out to save women from having hysterectomies. Afterwards, I began to feel like a brand new woman. I began to want to exercise and lose weight. I wanted to be around people. I regretted all those years of depression. Life was good! When I looked in the mirror, I saw much more than only a woman in a wheelchair... I saw the woman that could be if I let it happen.
What do you think is the biggest stereotype or misconception about people with disabilities? Why?
When I go out sometimes, I run into people who avoid eye contact. I was being a minx one afternoon and was in a fast food place when this short guy of about 45 sat a few booths down. The first time I looked at him, his eyes turned away. I would try to catch his eyes. That never once happened. We silently scream for people like this man to look us in the eyes and see us as equals. Instead, sadly, there are many people who approach people with physical disabilities with the idea that the mind is that of an early adolescent. The reality is, when that happens, in our minds we view them with the same connotation as they view us. We see the people who do this as being uneducated on disability etiquette. Both sides of the fence of our society demand mutual respect.
What has living with a disability taught you the most about life?
Living with a disability has taught me that expression has no limits. Early on in life, we take bits and pieces of philosophy and interests. It's unreal to compare one person with a disability to the next. Each disability is unique. A person living in the shoes can either make a disability as shiny as ballerina slippers or muddy and dirty as a snail living under the ground. We make the decision.
What do you think are the biggest issues facing people with disabilities in 2009? Do you think these issues are being addressed - why or why not?
Where I live, only a few people who are physically disabled leave the home alone. The reality is that there are people who will take advantage of a person with a physical disability. We do not have big screen celebrities who turn heads in magazines and the news press. We do not have people who are physically disabled sitting in the Senate or in Congress. We do not have that safety net of full acceptance in our society that needs to be fulfilled.
If you could tell society one thing about disabilities, what would it be and why?
Living with a physical disability has its ups and downs. Self-doubt is common. Depression and suicidal thoughts are what many struggle with. The main goal in our world is self-acceptance. We must learn our bodies. That does not mean, "Yes I have this disability or that disability." We need to ask our doctors about our disabilities. We need to grieve that person who passed away when our disabled bodies changed over. We need to let the tears flow. We need to then create an enriching life that will hopefully educate those who will listen to and learn from our lives.
Is there anything else you think I should know?
Two of my school friends who had physical disabilities passed away. One was a boy I challenged to a race in church as a child. The other friend was a woman who loved the English field. That is why I write my blogs. I like to imagine both of my friends sitting on clouds singing and enjoying being able to dance around to music. We live and strive to make our disabled worlds more lively in remembrance of those who have been made being disabled enjoyable. With each step towards education and public awareness, we thank them from the bottom of our hearts.
