Dignity Vows for the New Year:  Number One

Many of us start the New Year determined to make it better than the one before.  We vow to eat less, drink less, exercise more; in general, we want to be more of the person we hope to become.  This year, let's try something different. 

I work with all kinds of people from all parts of the world who have suffered serious dignity injuries from unhealthy relationships.  One of the shared legacies from these dignity wounds, which rarely gets discussed, is that people end up feeling inadequate, less than, or defective in some way.  "Why else would they treat me this way unless I were unworthy? 

One of the biggest challenges to my dignity work is getting people to see that when they are treated badly, it doesn't mean that they are bad.  When people are treated badly it means that something bad has a happened to them.  The "bad" feelings are the shame and humiliation that automatically gets triggered when a dignity violation occurs.  Our minds play tricks on us, interpreting those shameful feelings as signs of being unworthy.