Digital Children

David, I'm an admirer of your work--your recent Power of Play as well the book you talk about here. I have long been studying play, especially age-mixed play, at an alternative democratically organized school, where children and teenagers learn entirely through their self-initiated play and exploration. I've also conducted a survey concerning play and exploration among children in hunter-gatherer groups. I'm interested in the human nature of play and curiosity and their roles in human development at all ages. As you know, these topics--which should be the biggest topics of all in developmental psychology--receive far too little research attention.

I've got a new Psychology Today blog called Freedom to Learn, which is dealing with some issues that overlap with yours. Its at http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn

For now, I just wanted to introduce myself to you and your readers. I think, as we go along, we will have some things to talk about--in some cases agreement, in others, I suspect, disagreement.

Cheers,
Peter

While I do agree with you that pressuring kids is not a good thing, I do believe that it is necessary to expose them to as much as possible for many reasons. First of all, kids are naturally curious. This is a contributing factor to their ability to learn as they grow. The more they are exposed to the more choice they have in picking things they enjoy doing out of the things they don't in the future. Secondly, Just because they are being exposed to certain things does not have to mean that they must be pressured into doing them. I learned to read very early in life not because I was forced by fear of punishment to learn my ABCs and put them together but because my parents made it fun. Basicly what I'm getting at is that all this hurrying stuff can be seen in a different light if it's not extreme. Showing things and exposing kids to different things will more likely increase their development than get them frustrated, provided that they are allowed to move at their own pace.

I saw recently on TV a young girl decided to stop texting and Ipodding etc. She said she can get more homework done and spend some time with her family. And it looked like the family didn't even quite know how to talk to each other at the dinner table. This is a new trend. I think kids are beginning to realize they are getting denied the emotional relationships and personal interaction they need. It even seems silly for me to say something like "personal interaction" when it used to be called life as we know it. Maybe we got too close in the past but we all need certain things, children especially have needs that cannot be met on a computer. Kids are being short-changed and can look forward to an empty life even though they "have it all".

A recent New York Times article confirms what I've found in my own research regarding the negative impact overuse of cell phones and internet is having on today's children. Sending text messages rather that engaging in face-to-face interactions stresses the brain, which is programmed to seek immediate facial feedback after we express an idea or thought. I've explored this idea in greater depth in the following article:

http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=8696

Hurry up and relax might just be my motto. With four kids we try to let them work at their own pace... Many times it beyond the pace we expect them to be at. The term "hurry" might be misunderstood with in the time frame of a child. So, I tend to try and work with them at there level... Is that being to lax?

Dear Mr. David Elkind,

I like your book very much and I always send your message to my students or to my community when I was interviewing by journalists in Indonesia. I think we must prevent young generation from negative impact of hurried child phenomenon. Most of parents, especially from higher social economics like to send their children to school and force them with a lot of private lessons, teach them many languages.

Most of parents argued that it is good for their children because toddler is a "golden age" and their children must face a competitive situation in their future. That is why, they believe that the sooner they give education the better they will get.

I'd like to make a research regarding this situation and I really appreciate if you can assist me.

David, in the early '80s, as a reading requirement for my educational psychology class (for my education degree), I chose to read your book "The Hurried Child." At the time, I was married to a hurried child (oldest daughter, second oldest child, indoctrinated to be a surrogate mother, had feelings of guilt for mom, despised dad, etc.), and we had two children, one a newborn daughter. I have told many people over the years that your book is ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL BOOKS THAT I'VE READ IN MY LIFE!! I took your guidance to heart, raised my daughter well, and she is now an awesome, confident, well-adjusted 31-year-old wife, mother, and daughter. I AM SO GLAD I READ YOUR BOOK! (And she is too.) Thank you! Thank you!!