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Digital Children

Raising children in a high-tech, high-pressured information world.

by David Elkind

David Elkind is Professor Emeritus of Child Development at Tufts University. See full bio

June 14, 2008, Child Development

Are Young Children Cruel?

Children may appear cruel when they are not.

Are Young Children Cruel?

On a recent walk through our development on Cape Cod with my grandniece, we found a dead turtle lying on its back. The head was a bit bloated. She looked at it for a moment and then said, "I want to step on his head." A little taken aback, I replied, "Why would you want to do that." "I think it will be fun she replied." After a moment I said, "Yes, the turtle is dead and you won't hurt it, but stepping on his head is not a very nice thing to do." With a determined look she came back, "I don't care, I want to step on it." At this point, I thought it best to distract her and pointed to a big hole in a nearby tree, "I think I saw a big squirrel jump in that hole, let's go look." So we walked over to the tree and the turtle was forgotten, but not completely. On the way back she said, "I really wanted to step on that turtle's head."

I have witnessed other instances of like behavior. One child, who was about to step on some ants, was told that they were "God's creatures" and shouldn't be harmed. Shortly after I saw the same child stepping on the ants and shouting gleefully, "God's little creatures." Squish! Squish! Is this evidence of deliberate cruelty on the child's part? We have to be careful not to rush to judgment. First of all young children, prior to the age of eight or nine, really do not understand the concepts of life and death. These are biological concepts which presuppose an understanding of internal biological processes like respiration, blood flow and digestion. Likewise, young children up until the age of five or six or unable to put themselves in another's position when it is different from their own.

From the child's perspective the impulse to step on the dead turtle's head or to squish the ants, did not arise out of disrespect for the dead or out of a desire to hurt or to do injury. Rather each child was being curious, eager to discover what would happen if it took a particular action. They were really unable to shift perspectives and the animal's point of view. At the same time, even young children will show empathy for another child if he or she gives visible signs of distress like crying. Had the turtle or the ants given signs of distress, they might have elicited a quite different reaction. It is also true that are some truly cruel children (fortunately a very small minority). But it is never entirely clear whether such cruelty is innate or in response to harsh, abusive upbringing. For the most part, however, young children's apparently cruel behaviors grow out of curiosity, and not out of malice.