After my last blog, discussion arose about the identity exploration exercise I suggested and how that fits in with the idea of living in the present. There would appear to be a paradox between living in mindful presence (and dis-identifying with ego), yet also thinking about identity formation and consciously creating a more authentic kind of life. So, the question is: "How can we think about ourselves and our goals without being ego-centric and living in the future?"
And from that discussion, another:
Mindfulness works so well for many people that it perhaps becomes the go-to technique as of late. Practitioners may find themselves suggesting mindfulness regularly and that might create the unintended consequence of pop star burnout. When you hear a song too many times on the radio you start tuning out and turning off if you're not in the mood to hear it.
Jennifer Dryer, a counselor in Portland, Oregon, has experienced both sides of that story. In her former role as a crisis counselor, she and colleagues suggested mindfulness techniques as short-term interventions with clients. On the other hand, she states, "One of the problems when going through a stressful event when most of your social circle is made up of therapists is that they all suggest the intervention du jour. I've been told about mindfulness a dozen times since starting the process of going through a divorce. But, mindfulness is a daily practice. It helps with coping in stressful situations if you have already worked on it as a skill and are used to drawing on it. It's not the suggestion I want to hear every single time I'm having a bad day."
It's a great lesson: to be thoughtful about when and how we suggest mindfulness or any technique for that matter. Timing is everything. For most mental health professionals the value in having an integrative toolkit of skills cannot be overemphasized. The same can be said for life in general. What worked for me yesterday may not feel like a good fit today. Similarly, I may not have been receiving of a wellness concept that was introduced to me last year but now it just seems to make sense. We like to learn but we like to learn at our own pace, on our time. We tend to prefer discovering things for ourselves to being clubbed over the head and dragged into the cave.
So considering that learning theory and the paradox of mindfulness, I looked again at my last blog entry. I originally raised the topic of individual identity exploration and posed some self-discovery questions. Questions meant to deeply explore those "Who am I and what am I doing here" types of human stirrings.
It's a misnomer to use the word "dreaming" because it connotes a feeling of aloofness, future mindedness, and non-presence. But we can certainly think about ourselves and our futures mindfully. Just like we can watch TV mindfully and work very hard mindfully. We just have to set our intention and our time to doing just that. When it feels like an exercise we are ready to dive into. We can ask ourselves powerful questions about our identities and our purpose and do so mindfully-- doing it right here and right now without worrying/predicting tomorrow or what more important thing we should be doing now.
However, I would append my original list of self-exploration questions to allow for a more universal connection. Questions like: What is my connection to our world? How can I serve? Who am I, beyond the labels I've given myself? When we stop at asking ourselves the self-ish questions--"What do I want to be when I grow up and how much money can I make?"--we condition ourselves to identify with things and attachments that are fleeting. The questions need to shift to How can I be rather than What can I be. Ego-busters. We ask the questions and then consciously create a space and stillness for those answers to arise.
Asking ourselves deep questions, whether on our own or in a help setting, does not minimize or dishonor our current lives. In fact, this kind of mindful self-exploration is a way to very much tune into what we authentically want for ourselves, our families, and our resource of time. The process of understanding ourselves on a deeper level is actually about the honoring of our lives and our connections. Clearing the clutter and making more space for what's real and meaningful.
Eckhart Tolle said a few years back, "Mastery of life is not a question of control, but of finding a balance between human and being. Mother, father, husband, wife, young, old, the roles you play, the functions you fulfill, whatever you do--all that belongs to the human dimension. It has its place and needs to be honored, but in itself it is not enough for a fulfilled, truly meaningful relationship or life. Human alone is never enough, no matter how hard you try or what you achieve."
When I am more practiced at being mindful of the present I become more adept at catching myself when I'm getting stuck in states of mindlessness, judgment, and taking-for-grantedness. I know I'm in those places when time appears to have passed very quickly without my notice or, conversely, when I'm feeling bored and restless. Or, when I'm finding myself absent-minded, comparing myself to others, and yearning for things. Mindful presence, gratitude, appreciation, connecting with people or the environment, and looking at my experience from a different perspective tend to disarm those traps. But that's just me--now.
©2011, Brad Waters, designyourpath.com
