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If you have been following my blogs, you know by now that I am a single sole custody dad living in Manhattan. I have my own business, businesses really, and write a bit. My stress management tools consist of an extensive fitness routine focused on triathlons and yoga, lots of yoga. (I’ll write more in the future about all this and how it’s helped).
Having my own business allows me these diverse activities and fits with Alex’s schedule. You see I used to work as a corporate “tool” on Wall Street. One cannot do that around special needs school schedules, so I had to “transform” as I like to say, into my present self. It’s really been more of a journey of uncovering my true self though, for which I am grateful (more on that another time).
I am relating all this because, when I speak to folks privately or in public the take away is that I am on top of things, as much as one can be given my challenges. And yes, I’ve turned it to a positive for myself and helped Alex make significant progress. However, one area that has eluded my ability to “transform” has been the realm of relationships.
You see it’s been about 6 years sans relationship around here (when Alex came to live with me). Prior to, I was the Wall Street guy always out and about. So in some sense, this has balanced things out, as all things do in the end. That said I’ve been thinking about and attempting for the first time in years to explore the relationship realm.
Most of my “autism parent” friends are married. My single “autism parent” friends have joint custody or some form of half and half responsibility or family help for their child, so they are not in the same boat as myself (having some weekly flexibility). In my case, I’ve not had more than a night off in the last 6 years – typically a night before a race or conference presentation. I’ve been out a few times recently, but there is always the clock hanging over my head, meaning I frequently need to be home by 9pm on the nights I have a sitter (aka the autism curfew). Once a month I have an informal group of “autism” friends, who meet and it’s frequently the best day of the month! But the dating thing, how to fit it in?
I even recently created an online profile for “single sole custody parents of special needs kids”. I did spend some time on it and feel pretty good about the whole profile (see link here). Thing is, the nearest match was in Little Rock! A bit far from the Upper East Side!
I am not writing as a complaint here, as I would not change things (yet another blog to come on this), but am curious if any readers have solved this dilemma. I’d be happy to hear, and believe others would too!
