There’s an issue that you may have been contemplating since you started reading this blog or anything related to my book that was released last month. Depending on the particular circumstances, curiosity can be over-utilized, problematic, perverted, and an impediment to the well-being of another person and society.
I feel compelled to write a brief disclaimer before you consider reading Chapter 8. It diverges from the rest of the book. The content may be unsettling to the highly sensitive person. This is because I discuss disturbing behavior. Unlike other chapters in this book, there are few uplifting, positive stories. However, understanding the potential dark side of human nature is an intervention in itself.
All of us have inclinations that we consider acting on but decide not to for fear of harming our self, people we care about, or our position as a socially responsible member of society. There is something to be said about embracing your dark side. Discover how it is part of you without acting in ways that impinge on the welfare of other people or hinder your own lasting well-being. When the dark side beckons, we seek short-term pleasure and gratification at the expense of long-term positive feelings and meaning in life. Careful contemplation allows you to decide whether the short-term benefits outweigh long-term costs.
For most of you, the topics in Chapter 8 will be outside the scope of your personal life. That’s fine. Another goal in writing this chapter is that the dark side of curiosity is downright interesting. We are curious about the dark side of human behavior, we are curious about what our lives would be like if we acted purely on impulse, we wonder about people far removed from ourselves. (no anxiety, no empathy, no inhibitions, no control.)
If we want to fully understand curiosity, I believe we need to attend to the various manifestations, even those that cause us discomfort. We gain little by ignoring, avoiding, and hiding from uncomfortable feelings. Whether you are paying attention or not, the dark side exists. It benefits everyone to acknowledge when strengths go awry. It helps to know about the “banality of evil.”
For instance, consider necrophilia. That’s right, people with an erotic interest in dead bodies. Aren’t you the least bit interested in why some people get sexually aroused by corpses and spend their weekend nights with them instead of the living? Come on. Even MGM, the company that made Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and the Wizard of Oz, got in on the action with the 1996 movie called Kissed (don’t freak out, there are no sex scenes as the focus is on the tender loving romance between a teenage girl and her corpse). Now if you think necrophilia is inappropriate to write about or even discuss, please don’t read on. (though I know you will because it’s hard to resist an adventure to the outposts of human nature).
So here it is; the unearthing of a fascinating psychology study that nobody knows about. Rosman and Resnick (1989) summarized the details of 122 people with necrophilia. They provided the most comprehensive account of what motivates people to show an erotic preference for dead people:
68% said it was about possessing someone who couldn’t resist or reject them
21% wanted to continue a relationship with a romantic partner (why should death get in the way?)
15% were sexually attracted to corpses
15% spent time with them to ward off the pain of being isolated and lonely
12% sought self-esteem and power
Right in front of me are other intriguing statistics such as their most common sexual acts and fantasies. I suspect that some readers would be repulsed and blame me for sharing them. I suspect that some readers would thank me for providing mesmerizing cocktail party conversation. Diverse interests and reactions is part of what makes socializing so much fun. Unless of course we let that desire for safety, security, and control take full reign…
Think about it. Someone actually does this in your city and if you find out, you are going to turn to a television reporter and say, "But they're an outstanding member of the community. They're the first one to plow the snow on the sidewalk. I don't believe it." Definitely do not share these statistics with anyone. Talk about the latest baseball player to be caught with steroids, talk about today's pollen count, talk about the Jane's Addiction reunion tour, anything but this...
I do want to be clear that by writing about these behaviors, I am not condoning them. Consider me nothing more than a purveyor of information that is likely to make you feel something whether it’s intrigue, disgust, empathy, anger, excitement, or something else. With this in mind, if you want, read on.
Just remember that 8 chapters of my book have absolutely nothing to do with the dark side of humanity. Devoting at least a single chapter to this topic is intellectually honest. Any strength can become a liability in the extreme, in the wrong person, or in the wrong situation. Being attentive, engaged, open, receptive, and curious is no different.
Details about my new book, Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life, can be found at www.toddkashdan.com
