Cupid's Poisoned Arrow

Why does the honeymoon end--and what can we do?

Marnia Robinson is the author of Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships. See full bio

August 17, 2009

Orgasm’s Hidden Cycle

If you are familiar with the work of Masters & Johnson, you probably think of the "cycle of orgasm" as a brief series of observable genital events: arousal, plateau, climax and refractory period. The experience of orgasm, however, is produced in a primitive part of the brain. Without these neurochemical fireworks, the Big "O" wouldn't feel like an orgasm regardless of what happens in your genitals. Read More

August 10, 2009

Another Way to Make Love

Karezza is gentle intercourse, with lots of affection and relaxation, but without the goal of orgasm. This practice has apparently been used to deepen and harmonize relationships for millennia, going by many names through the ages.

August 3, 2009

How to Talk to Cupid

How would you talk to Cupid? That is, how would you steer the primitive part of your brain in the direction of the relationship results you want? It's problematic, because this primitive region of the brain predated the human rational brain (neo-cortex) by millions of years. It doesn't run on logic. This is why you can't use willpower to force yourself to fall in love or stay in love. Read More

July 27, 2009

What If She Were Always in the Mood?

Consider what happened when male monkeys were paired repeatedly with the same females (who were always in the mood, thanks to daily hormone injections). Monkey heaven, right?

July 20, 2009

Sexual Superabundance II

Chasing after today's potent array of superstimulation can easily overload our vulnerable reward circuitry. Without realizing why, we may begin to experience withdrawal symptoms, cravings for even more frequent stimulation, and enduring brain changes.

June 29, 2009

Sexual Superabundance

In our drive for orgasmic gratification, could some of us be bruising ourselves on one of evolution's most unyielding cornerstones? "Life is a struggle," wrote Charles Darwin. An easy-to-overlook consequence is that our brain's limbic system is molded for survival under conditions of scarcity. It's certainly geared to exploit the occasional bonanza. However, the same mechanism that urges us not to overlook golden opportunities leaves us vulnerable in the face of constant bingeing (superabundance). Read More

June 23, 2009

Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow Primer

Why should lovers care about their brain's limbic system? Because it is the part of the brain from which our emotions and drives arise. It's where we experience the thrills of sexual arousal and orgasm (and their aftermath). It is also where we fall in (and out) of love. The limbic system is a very old part of the brain, which is surprisingly similar in all mammals.

June 18, 2009

Why Bonobos Make Bad Role Models

Even though sexual utopians can no longer boast about Bonobo nonviolence, they often maintain that Bonobo promiscuity would be suitable for humans-presumably because we share a lot of genes and even some behaviors.

However, the sexual utopians are forgetting one thing. Bonobos don't have "pair-bonder brains." We do. Read More

Books by Marnia Robinson

Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

Evolutionary Psychology Basics

Our bodies evolved over eons, slowly calibrating to the African savanna on which 98 percent of our ancestors lived and died. So, too, did our brains. Evolutionary psychology postulates that the mind is shaped by pressure to survive and reproduce. We jealously guard romantic partners and cherish our closest relatives above all others, lest we fail to pass on our genes.

Go to the Evolutionary Psychology Basics page for more on Evolutionary Psychology including:

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