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"Lots of guys, 20s or so, can't get it up anymore with a real girl, and they all relate having a serious porn/masturbation habit. When someone tells their story on a health forum, and there are 50-100 replies from other guys who struggle with the same thing, this is for real." Read More
I see it now
Being a virgin, it is hard for me to know if I would have the problems that you describe in this article, but I do see the effects of creating this high in my brain. I also noticed the morphing of my desires into things that disturbed me. I think that it was my brain's way of getting a bigger high. If fear gets the chemicals pumping, then the erotisization of fear can bring you to overload.
I recently tried to lower my intake, but (like my struggles with caffeine), it lead back into binging. I think I'm going to have to go cold turkey with no PMO for a while to reset my brain. I have one question I would like so information on.
Is it safe/healthy to quit masterbation for a while? What about the prostate cancer stuff? I'm starting to think that even if it did increase my risk for cancer, I should still quit to get my brain back to normal.
By the way, I was skeptical when I first started reading your PT posts, but after my fears started becoming erotic desires, I was convinced that something is horribly wrong. Thank you for your work.
It looks like the cancer risk meme is exaggerated
I know it's common to hear that frequent masturbation prevents cancer, but we checked out the research and it doesn't really support that:
"Ejaculation: How Often for Good Health?"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201007/ejacula...
You might also find these of interest:
"Masturbation, Fantasy and Captivity"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201009/masturb...
"WEIRD Masturbation Habits"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201105/weird-m...
"Today’s ejaculation advice may be wrong for our species"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201106/are-you...
Prostrate cancer is different than what I said, prostrate problems.
But your links may be related and aplicable.
For men, not ejaculating
For men, not ejaculating often enough may cause disuse atrophy of the prostrate leading to a weaker gland and increase your chances of prostrate problems with age. Just use porn as a reward for yourself but limit it to once every three days or so, so you don't cause blisters and callousness, and too much ejaculation may or may not cause deficiency problems with protein production being that semen is mostly protein. Don't worry or beleive that your erotic thoughts about men will cause you to become gay, unless you are planning to become a long term careing, supporting father someday. My dad told me that he had gay thoughts when he was young but got married and had 9 kids. He was not ED and eventually caused my mother to have a total Hysterectomy by age 55 from excessive vaginal erosion from his calloused circumcised exposed glans.
Oh no no, your father was
Oh no no, your father was gay! or so the GBLT lobby would have it.
Seriously, this is the most sensible advice I've seen on the topic. I think too many boys are convinced that a passing same sex attraction or experience sets their sexuality forever.
What are you talking about?
You start out sounding rather knowledgeable but come off sounding ridiculous. Blisters and callouses (callousness?) REALLY!! If your penis gets blisters and callouses from masturbating, you're doing something wrong. Your mother had a total hysterectomy from calloused circumcised glans? Does anyone else think this sounds rather unbelievable?
interesting post
I wish I'd had this info before I wrote my book; I would have included it!
ED and Pornography in the Holy Texts
The Quran (Muslims Holy book) Has amazingly tied between the 2 issues ED & watching 'unlawful' images of a sexual nature. In one Chapter, God says: Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts. That is purer/more beneficial for them. Verily, God is All-Aware of what they do.
31. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts"
I knew it!
I told my husband a few years back that he'd better slow down on the porn. Guys - your partner will not perform for you like a porn star..or maybe she would if you'd log off and enjoy 'real' sex. There is a saying 'too much of a good thing' is true. Slow down on the porn or watch with a partner 'occasionally' just for fun. Oh there's another saying: All things in moderation.
I look at a lot of porn for
I look at a lot of porn for hours...and I've done this for years.
I maintain a PERFECT erection, I ejaculate exactly when and how I want to, but then again I don't watch porn for "fantasy" I watch for visual reference points. I look at amateur porn, pictures and video of people who might live in my neighborhood, or look like girls I've ACTUALLY gone out with, or shop at the same store as me.
I am completely turned OFF by "porn stars" primarily because women (the "real" ones at the local Walmart) don't look like that, they don't even look like they're actually doing it, it just looks weird to me, and I'm attracted to the check-out girl (wearing a pony-tail, with no lipstick) not Britney Spears, not Halle Berry, or any other "photo-shopped princess", I am FAR MORE attracted to a size 8 with natural A cups, then a size 0 with big plastic balls on her chest.
I think the problem is less with porn than with what porn you watch, like the first guy or girl talking about the "erotisization of fear" , I do not relate at all, that is adding a completely "other" level of psychology to the biology of sex.
If you watch "the Green lantern" instead of "no country for old men" don't say movies suck, the movies you watch suck! If you'd rather listen to Justin bieber, than John Lennon, don't say music sucks, the music you choose to listen to is the problem.
why would you watch it for hours if you watch it for "reference points"?
That's really weird, so you just watch it for pointers and don't watch it for fantasy?
How can you sit there and watch it for hours then
YAAAYY!!!
APPLAUSE AND HIGH FIVE.
yes, it's the type. frequency might also be a problem, but people don't normally use it as a reference/engine starter...unless they're women;)
I don't expect men to be perfect, just curious and caring. :)
I'm not trying to be sexist
I'm not trying to be sexist here but the truth is that women are not going to understand this. A woman's sex drive is just different from a man's. Men are much more visual then women. A lot of women don't understand why a man has to masterbate when he has her. As a man you try to explain its just different. But its very difficult. It would be a like a bird trying to tell a fish how it is to fly or a fish telling a bird what it is to swim.
As for these men that are supposely having this erection problems in the article, did any of them get their testoterone levels checked? That's a much more likely reason for ED then that they look at porn when their girlfriend isn't available. Once again just my opinion. :)
My wife is listed as co-author,
but I wrote most of this one. I'm not sure what birds talking to to fish has to do with limp penises, but I'll answer anyway.
Did you read the details, or follow the links? The only study (by Italian urologists) to ask about porn-induced ED, found porn to be a major cause in young men. We have been dealing with porn-induced ED for five years, I can assure you, as the men can, that porn-induced ED is real.
Yes, they had their testosterone checked, but understand, most of these men are in their twenties.
Our articles and websites link back to hundreds of forums, in about 20 different countries. In addition to the many visitors to our two sites, I have read thousands of threads, some with hundreds of posts, discussing unexplained ED in young, healthy men. Men are discussing it.
Keep the word variable in mind. As stated in the article, all the men with ED had no other variable in common other than years of heavy porn use. When that one, and only variable was removed, the condition changed. End of experiment.
When the men stopped porn, they experienced similar recovery times and withdrawal symptoms. The different withdrawal symptoms often manifested at specific time intervals, before full recovery.
- Here's 2 links from one of the sites I mentioned:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Mens-Health/Too-much-porn-masturbation-caus...
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Mens-Health/22-with-porn-inducederectile-dy...
- More links to men describing ED recovery accounts:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-recovery-2
http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-recover-1
http://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts
http://yourbrainonporn.com/tales-of-porn-related-ed
Ah yes, the "it's our
Ah yes, the "it's our nature!" argument. Just remember that women's nature is to get pregnant and have babies. Surely you'll understand when she says she wants to have kids, right?
Or else just hide in your room and beat off.
michael_4
I get it..men are visual. The easiest of reference points to understand. Just look and you love it. There is no mystery there. Also no mystery that your sex enjoys porn. The problem with men's predisposition to all things visual is that you have no limits...you can be pulled in very easily, again and again. Porn should be an occasional pleasure, not a main source of satisfaction because as you come into the 'real' world and it does not look like your fantasy world you will have a hard time enjoying sex with someone that actually likes you. Which is what one should want in the end.
Don't let media mess up your brain
I think this can apply to both men and women. Men watch porn and then desire their wives less, BUT
Women also watch talk shows that bash men and desire their husbands less. They become ungrateful (just like a man who watches too much porn).
In short, both men and women should guard their minds and not seek pleasure (be it emotional or sexual) from substitute sourses.
Romantic Comedies
In addition to your comment about how women watch talk shows that bash men, they also enjoy romantic comedies, or chick flicks, that tend to give them an unrealistic expectations of real relationships.
Stay on Topic
This is a discussion about porn-related ED, not Oprah, Maury and Dr. Phil. Stop trying to divert blame and change the subject.
Good point
We posted about this recently: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201106/vibrato...
Great comment, never really
Great comment, never really thought about the talk shows like that.
Women vs porn...
Speaking of "obsessions", how come it always seems to be women doing the "reporting" on these "anti-porn" articles?
And apparently porn videos "designed for women" are "the next big thing" coming out of the porn studios in SoCal these days. Although I always kinda figured that Harlequin and similar pulp "romance" books, function as much the same thing ("as he boldy took her within his sinewed arms"...)! ;-p
BTW, on guys it's easy, but how do you measure "sexual dysfunction" in someone who only has to lay there?
Actually,
my husband (and co-author) wrote this one, as explained above. I think you're right that women are at risk, too. In our case, vibrators may turn out to be the most powerful way (but not the only way) to desensitize the responsiveness of the brain. "Vibrators and Other Pleasures: When 'Moderation' Fails" http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201106/vibrato...
It's worth experimenting for a couple of months without artificial sexual "aids." That goes for both sexes.
"credit where credit is due"...
Understood re: "co-authorship", etc., but let's be honest here Marnia, it's still basically you (a woman) with the motivation and doing all the "talking"! Not that your observations aren't valid, but somehow there always seems to be a male/female "cultural factor" (and disconnect) never quite accounted for whenever this subject comes up, regardless the "data" or "reasons".
Although I think you're right, anytime a question arises re: "overuse" of any sort of "technology", going "natural" for awhile always sounds like a good idea!
If someone is determined to see things
a certain way, they will, in spite of reality. I wrote this, and I run the website, yourbrainonporn where you can find all the material related to porn-induced ED. I don't understand the rest of your comments.
Speaking of "reality"...
Then just look around your own website... Marnia's specifically listed as the "author" (not "co-author"), her pic appears prominently & repeatedly, she responds to most of the comments, etc.. So If I've made a mistake re: your "participation", it's an honest one, and I'm surprised you seem so "sensitive" that I'm simply pointing out the obvious.
Regardless, the fact still remains, whether the reasons are "scientific" or "political", that most of the "criticism" re: porn does come from either women (e.g. Naomi Wolf, Catharine MacKinnon, Phyllis Schlafly, Andrea Dworkin, et al) or else Fundamentalists. Which clearly suggests there's also a strong "cultural" bias as well.
BTW, you don't have to look far to see that this is also a very common perception out there:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100412005727AAAHKq9
Barking up the wrong tree
We are like Lennon and McCartney. Both get credit, but sometimes one does most of the writing.
As previously stated, my website is www.yourbrainonporn.com and there is no picture of my wife there, so I have no idea what you are talking about.
Your link has nothing to do with this post, our other PT posts, or the hundreds of pages on my website. If you have a point of contention with us, then be so kind as to give us a specific example from our writings, not a Yahoo Q & A.
If you choose to read our other posts, or visit my website, you will not find political, moral, or religious commentary. You are imagining things that do not exist.
Hmmm... I'm sensing defensiveness
Mr. Wilson,
I've been reading this site for awhile. While I've noted your name before, it does seem to mostly be Marnia's work, not yours.
I too have noted the cultural / political slant to the information provided and commented on the same before. Unfortunately, porn users, being the shamed and castigated bunch that we are, are fairly defensive about our porn use. Sensitivity to this fact (even to exasperating levels, as exasperation is what I'm hearing in your posts) is required. It requires a fairly open mind to hear what you have to say without hearing the usual critical voices that dominate the discussion with respect to porn. I agree that your and Marnia's comments and articles are science based and approach it from an objective viewpoint on the whole. However, to be honest, some days I still wonder if there's an anti porn agenda at work, but generally, I'm able to keep an open mind about what you and Marnia have to say.
Getting past this defensiveness is something that you may need to work harder at in your articles if you intend to reach the largest possible audience. It's rather like American right-wingers actually listening to and hearing what an educated urbanite has to say. This is not the easiest thing in the world.
Keep up the good work.
BTW, do you think that porn should be illegal?
Also, why is it that it is so difficult for young men to get the sexual stimulation that they want / need so that porn holds less interest (or can it?). For my part, I never even had the chance to get sexually involved with women until 27 and only had regular sex in my mid 30's. I'm a fairly regular guy, and whily shyer than most of my friends, most of them did not get started with sex on any kind of regular basis until their 20's. Given the ubiquity of porn and the poor access to actual girls and women (which is as it should be, no need for more teen moms after all even though that's the way it was meant to be scientifically speaking ), it is even reasonable to expect any other outcome than what we see? You don't really expect young men to be monks do you? I suppose this is possible, but I don't think that this will fly too well in the world as it is...
Onwards with the education crusade you're on. Perhaps your material ought to become part of sexual education everywhere (not that this will be readily accepted in North America, but one could hope, couldn't one?).
Cheers!
Hi,
Gary is actually the source of most of the substance of our porn-related articles, and if you take the time to visit his website you will have no further doubts about this point. (www.yourbrainonporn.com) It will also be clear that neither of us us out to "shame" porn users or to ban porn. We only get exasperated when we answer people several times and they still don't hear what we're saying or bother to check the links we provide. ;-)
I'm sorry you're defensive about your porn use. I see no reason for you to be. Porn use is nearly universal among computer-literate guys below a certain age. The problem is that its use is causing severe problems for some, and it's very hard for them to see cause-and-effect because of all the misleading or inadequate analysis in the mainstream press about the "harmlessness" of Internet porn use.
Our goal is to help people gain more knowledge so that they can make more informed choices - whatever those choices may be.
We understand your frustration with today's dating scene, but we're not sure that porn use is necessarily soothing your frustration. It could, in fact, be making it worse - and narrowing your choices. Overstimulation can numb the pleasure response of the brain leading to greater dissatisfaction and an urge to binge frequently. Also, curiously, most of the men who stop using porn report that they are much less "shy," and much more effective socially. So you honestly may not know your true social skills or potential until you're off Internet porn for a couple of months.
Again, these are not moral agenda issues. This is a matter of biology. Experiment for yourself. You may learn something important for your future happiness. Read other guys' recovery stories here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts
Hey Marnia, I wouldn't
Hey Marnia,
I wouldn't consider myself too defensive as such, I was more referring to the above poster to whom Gary was responding.
As for me, my dating rut has ended and I'm on the cusp of being engaged.
I don't suffer from ED problems myself, so I'm lucky there. Also, the porn consumption and masturbation has been cut down significantly from the past, main reason being that I'm much older now. What I was referring to in my last post was my world between 5 and 10 years ago, not the present.
Personally, my effectiveness with women was increased by doing the following:
1. Going to strip clubs and talking to strippers about books, investments and their business (great discussion topics during private dances).
2. Going to prostitutes and finding out what sex was really like and taking off the blinders as well as getting rid of all the mystery.
After that, dating women seemed a whole lot less intimidating and was a whole lot less frustrating. I didn't have to worry about getting laid because getting laid was only a couple of hundred bucks away.
It's not accessible to all males as a route to learning how to deal with women as it costs some fairly substantial money (I'd say about 20 - 25 thousand over 5 years), but it certainly was worth it! Plenty of great memories and fulfilled fantasies too! :-). As always, this too got old after awhile, thus the moving on to a more serious and exclusive sexual relation, but it sure was great while it lasted!
Anyways, cheerio! And keep up the good work!
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