Cupid's Poisoned Arrow

Porn effects people? No, what really happens is that people use porn as an excuse from whatever they happen to be suffering from.

Let's face it life is full of problems and stressful, excessive use of anything is symptom of a screwed up society that has it's priorities ass backwards.

it may be that the most empowering thing we can do is keep ourselves (or return ourselves) to balance, so we think as clearly as possible and act with as much confidence as possible.

The reward circuitry of the brain is our inner compass and a critical influence on our moods and perceptions. Many traditional ways of improving our equilibrium (like meditation, for example) have been shown to affect it (and the key neurochemicals that "run" it). In various traditions, balanced use of sexual energy was also found to be critical to inner equilibrium. Perhaps we have more control over our well-being than we thought. And maybe if we exercised that control, we'd also have a less screwed up world.

On what do you base your belief that porn doesn't affect people? Have you tried not using it for awhile? I agree that its use is often an attempt to cope with stress. However, as stress-relief it's a bit of a deception. Any gains are fleeting (and tend to decrease with frequent use). Overall it can increase restlessness and dissatisfaction (which show up as stronger cravings). The proof is that when men stop using it for an extended period of time, they feel less restless and dissatisfied. This is what experts need to study. If they can't find porn virgins, at least they could compare with groups of recovered users.

I don't want to experience pleasure, but after a while the body starts nagging me if IT doesn't get its fix of it. The feeling is irritating and a nuisance. When I obey, it feels like a mild depression, I feel irritated in a different way, not unlike 2nd or 3rd day hangover for the rest of the day or two. I hate this body.

Porn kills relationships and intimacy. I have a friend who has to take the computer to work every day and hide keyboard everynite so her boyfriend does not feed his sexual addiction which makes her not want to have sex with him, and resent him and his obsession. It grosses me out, and exploits women (often sexually abused), children (preyed upon by pedophiles) and feeds the mafia who has large investment in porn/sexual addicted/ "underbelly" world.

There are many sicknesses that correlate with porn, such as excessive masturbating, violence, anxiety, lying, cheating, cyber-sex, sexual crimes, etc.

People who are apathetic, mostly men, to porn's impact and destruction are mostly just apathetic and egocentric in general, and secondly lack character.
I am no longer accepting ocassional porn in any relationship prospect as it is never as harmless or minimal as they say it is.

decreases women's compassion for the addicts themselves. In my experience, "egocentricness" is a symptom of addictive behavior, and it disappears as people recover. This means there are a lot of angels currently posing as self-centered nitwits thanks to porn/drugs/alcohol etc.

If this connection were fully understood, perhaps we non-porn-users could offer more encouragement than censure when someone gets messed up because he attempts to substitute artificial "good feelings" for the ones for which his brain actually evolved.

It's likely that the real problem is a misunderstanding that we have evolved to benefit strongly from (and not do very well without) (1) friendly interaction with others and (2) a close trusted companion (mate).

It may even be that our predilection for addiction as humans is due to the fact that we are pair-bonders (that is, due to the fact that our reward circuitry is so extraordinarily responsive to certain stimuli). This makes us very vulnerable in environments where artifical enticements are so plentiful. See: "Are we pair bonders more vulnerable to addiction?" http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200911/the-mys...

Education, not condemnation, is the key here in my view.

I just went and read the article you linked to, and it struck me that 100% of people saying that they watched porn weekly was ridiculous.
a) that's a huge fallacy. You can't generalize to the wider population based on a study group that doesn't look very diverse to begin with.
b) if his study was performed at Universities, then it might have been like the one (or even the same one) that I attend. All over campus were posters asking for volunteers to watch arousing videos to study arousal. I don't think I'd be stretching if I said that there would be an over representation of porn-users in that group.
c) like you said, he didn't research the psychological effects on the specific people using porn. Just because someone watches porn doesn't mean they would want to join group orgies or abuse women - but it also doesn't mean that they are not affected by it.
Knowing several friends who are addicted to porn gives me at least as much authority to say that it has severely detrimental effects in people's lives! That guy is ridiculous.

Message boards, support groups?

many support groups and 12-step programs for porn addiction: http://www.reuniting.info/science/porn_addiction_good_luck. Some have religious overtones that foster shame...making the addiction more powerful at a neurochemical level. Not good.

You may also visit the forum I took the men's comments from: http://www.reuniting.info/tracker (or http://www.reuniting.info/forum/213)

All the best...and a big hug.

Sign me up. I DO know internet porn has changed everything. Only time will tell how drastic the effects are.

Just under a spell for the moment. Fortunately, there's hope. Be optimistic because a recovered addict is often a really beautiful, wise person with truly healthy priorities learned the hard way.

all of this seem to be based on value judgements. how individuals or society view the porn-users and how they spend their free time. if ou were "addicted" to charitable casuses you would be viewed one way, but you would just as likely be fullfilling self-serving needs--desires to be wanted or useful, etc... if porn users find the world grey after all this over stimulation, who's to say the world isn't grey? wasn't the hole filled by porn, or whatever there before the addiction?

My post is based on the vulnerability of the human brain to novelty-on-demand. This has nothing to do with moral judgments. Also, please note the examples in the article, which indicate that the world no longer seems gray as men stop using porn for extended periods. Why not try the experiment for yourself? What have you got to lose but a month or two of porn?

your article seems to make a judgement between the stimulation that "addicts" experience and the sublter stimuli--like the charms of natural partners. that should include tv also, right? why would or should one prefer these subltler stimuli to the hyper real ones you describe? is thier health threatended in any way? also, it would seem that any social anxiety, depression, despair, apathy, and so forth probably existed in these individuals before their porn or gaming addiction. there are many people who find life meaningless without the aid of drugs, porn or anything else. sometimes just close examination of their surroundings leads them to this. some people find life meaningful in ways that cause direct har to others.

not all stimuli are the same. To understand the difference, it helps to think in evolutionary terms.

We evolved to have the brains of tribal, pair-bonding primates. When we don't have close connections with buddies and/or mates, we don't function at our best...at least most of us don't. Without these connections, life tends to look gray, and people tend to be more susceptible to addiction. This has been shown repeatedly. We also evolved with a need for sex, but not constant sex with computer screens that cry out for orgasm with each click. :-)

Porn can't meet the need for human connection, and when it becomes compulsive, it takes time and attention away from the development of such connections. (Yes, TV and video games can do this, too. I think I even managed to use compulsive reading to excess when I was a surly teen. ;-) )

It really pays to sort the wheat from the chaff as far as stimuli and their effects on our nervous system go. Some, like exercise and friendly interaction, produce very beneficial neurochemical cocktails, which help balance us and make life a lot more enjoyable. Some "feel" valuable, but have longer term costs. For many people, it seems porn is one of those, because of its effects on the reward circuitry.

For example, did you read "The Great Porn-Of" linked in my article? 70% of the porn users who decided to take the challenge of not using porn for two weeks couldn't do it - even though masturbation without porn was allowed. This suggests the compulsiveness of porn may be quite common.

Here's a post from a Dutch guy on my forum. It also points up how easily porn hijacks the reward circuitry.

"My computer broke down and for 3 weeks I couldn't watch my 'collection'. In those 3 weeks the urge to masturbate was way less than before and I felt mentally less restless and anxious. That is a nice effect in itself.

But the big insight came when I started to watch porn again: at first I didn't like it at all!! All my previous favorite movies seemed so fake and devoid of any real connection. The only things I could stand were the things that were as natural and simple as possible. Then, a few weeks later I suddenly realized that I had started to seek out ever more extreme stuff. With a shock I realized that porn is not only addictive, but also has a strong pull toward extremer stuff. That moment I decided that porn is mind poison and that I wouldn't have any of it anymore."

By the way, the purpose of sharing this information is merely to make people aware of porn's potential, not-so-obvious (to the mainstream) effects. Those who wish to use it should by all means continue to do so.

i understand you're not attacking porn. but how does one come to a consensus that close human connections are more beneficial? isn't that what gang activity is?
plus, if addicts seek these things because of the lack of these connections, shouldn't the focus be on nurturing these connections--making the symptom of addiction disappate?

demonstrating the health and longevity benefits of warm, affectionate touch and close, trusted companionship. Those are the rewards that particularly soothe the nervous system, and benefit us. Often people seek gangs because they *don't* have those other rewards. Not all connections are healthy, just because the instinct to connect is healthy.

And yes, a focus on nurturing would help a lot to make people less susceptible to compulsive behaviors of all types. This is a major point of my book. Have a look at this chapter from it: http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/Cupid-Ch6.pdf

hi
after reading this article, i feel more confused though this article is a very good one i should say...since a few months i've been attracted to porn websites and even if i feel guilty after, i can't stop myself from viewing them again...my confusion lies in the fact that porn leads to anxiety and depression but for me its a completely different thing: its more likely to be that anxiety and depression has that lead me to porn addiction. since a few months, i have been subjected to very weird life experiences and ever since i developed "serious" complications. i started having "tension headache". i did a CT scan and a series of blood tests and fortunately i didn't have any tumors or head injuries. note that i didn't watch porn before (once in four months perhaps :-))...seriously, i was not porn oriented...

this is a psychological test that i did weeks ago and frankly speaking i find a striking truth in what it said..here's it:

Your Existing Situation
"Looking for a way to overcome his current problems and issues, but finds it difficult to find solutions or choose the best course of action."

Your Stress Sources
"Needs to meet people who have the same high principals and values as himself, but finds the need unfulfilled. His need to feel dominate and superior leaves him feeling isolated and does not allow for him to give freely of himself. He would like to surrender and let go, but sees that as a weakness he must not give in to. Holding back will allow him to stand out for the crowd and earn a higher status, recognized by others as unique and important."

Your Restrained Characteristics
"Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

"Feels he is not receiving his fair share and is unable to rely on anyone for support or sympathy. He keeps his emotions bottled up, leaving him quick to take offense to small things. He tries to make the best of his situation."

Is feeling emotionally drained from stressful and tense situations. He is in need of peace and quiet in order to overcome his lack of energy and may become irritable if he does not recover.

Conceited and is easily insulted. Holds back emotionally but is able to find satisfaction through sexual activity.

"Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

Your Desired Objective
Feels trapped in a helpless situation and wishes to escape his current burdens which are bringing him down. Constantly tries to protect himself from becoming involved in the arguments and conflict around him.

Your Actual Problem
His desire to be respected and to stand out from the crowd is not being satisfied and therefore he is feeling anxious. His normal friendly self is being held back and he refuses to become involved or participate with others in normal day to day activities.

2nd personality test: what others think of you
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.
...
it is also said that i easily find satisfaction through sexual activity...i'm not married yet so it's through masturbation, everyday...
please help me out and i hope you clarify if it is porn which lead me to psychological problem or is it vice verse...

thank you very much in advance and God bless you
regards

I have been porn addict for many years, since high school and now I am 33. I absolutely concur with your analysis, it is quite close to my own personal experieces. Reading your article gives me more confidence to get my life back on track. I have been on and off this addiction habit, and when I look back, all my drawbacks, job-losses, failed marriage, not being able to use my education to full extent - have a bachelor in finance and have work most on my second bachelors degree in healthcare field. I just wish there were more exclusive social support groups to keep a person on track once they realize they need help. Its such a personal matter, you just can't ask anyone for help, specially when you don't have an intimate partner. But I am optimistic and would like to start on my journey to stay away from this habit for atleast 2 months. Thank you and God bless you.

Dear Professor Lajeunesse,

This article, unfortunately, shows that your study fell through because no proband could be found without any pornography experience:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/12/02/Study-stymied-by-lack-of-porn-new...

So you had to rely on the testimony of your 20 (in words: twenty) probands – a very reliable source of research, indeed...

In this article I found another lovely citation of yours:

"Le script ou fantasme est déjà en place à l'âge de 10 ans et ce n'est pas la pornographie qui le crée..."

http://www.alterheros.com/francais/dossier/Articles.cfm?InfoID=509

So little boys of less than 10 years have always and at all times been dreaming of anal, cumshot, cunnilingus and pubic shaving, as it is practiced everywhere now?

Boy, those little Canadian devils...