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With several recent media controversies leading to heated discussions about trolls, I think it is worth revisiting how to avoid falling into the troll’s trap and not give into the temptations of provocation. Kathleen Hale’s recent essay about desperately stalking her book-reviewing troll in the Guardian shows the toxic extremes to which online battles can lead. The Gamergate scandal also shows the disturbing mob-mentality extent to which trolling campaigns can grow: a female indie game developer named Zoe Quinn underwent intense online trolling and harassment after her ex-boyfriend Eron Gjoni posted a disparaging article about her on his blog. It was laced with misogynistic themes galore including accusations of sleeping her way to success. Somehow this conflict spilled over into death threats for Anita Sarkeesian, a feminist critic following Gamergate who then had to cancel a university event. Finally, there were the sad campaigns against writer Emily Gould, a controversial solipsistic alt-lit queen and former Gawker editor, who also inspired a bitter blog war by her ex-boyfriend Keith Gessen (detailed in a Vanity Fair article) and then by a blogging alt-lit wannabe named Ed Champion who wrote a 10,000-word rambling rant against her, leading to subsequent parasuicidal threats by him after the inevitable backlash.
The Internet has now been around approximately 20 years, and the ever-expanding social mediaverse has spawned multitudes of new psychopathologies including everything from cyberbullying to phishing fraud campaigns. The now well-studied etiology of trolling notes that this online realm permits underlying human pathological tendencies to bloom and fester, thanks to less fear of direct interpersonal, face-to-face payback. It has become the Wild West of social communication, where freedom permits, on the positive side, greater opportunities for personal expression and publication (with the blogosphere) and networking. But on the negative side, people can cloak themselves in avatar-like identities and give free rein to their dark id run amok. Accordingly, they can become at worst pedophile predators or con men…or trolls.
Trolls are stereotypically people with otherwise low self-esteem or unremarkable lives who traffic in pushing people’s buttons online. They throw out insulting or hateful comments at others on blogs and comment sections and any other public online venue. They get a sadistic pleasure out of the sh**storm that ensues, which helps them feel powerful and important and in charge of other people’s emotions: not all that dissimilar from the motivations of a serial killer or psychopath. But everything comes in matters of degree: trolls are psychopath-lite. They are usually too cowardly and pathetic to do anything so bold in real life, so the Internet fulfills their sad fantasies instead.
Unfortunately, people easily fall into the troll’s trap, because people are easily offended. Sometimes the offense is more than understandable; after all, the troll is a major jerk and knows exactly where to strike for maximum effect. Especially if it gets to the point of misogynistic mass hazing, trolling can be truly damaging and potentially dangerous in real life. But as a generation of coddled millennials who were told they were always winners comes of age, egos also sometimes bruise far too easily, as in the notorious case of Kathleen Hale.
Why would someone who on the surface has led such a charmed life—Harvard-educated, attractive, dating a major book publisher’s son and a talented published novelist at a young age—become frantically obsessed with a frumpy middle-aged online book reviewer, to the point of tracking and stalking her at home? Why waste so much time on someone you don’t know, who is probably not on your level intellectually, financially, socially, or otherwise?
Clearly, privilege still does not protect one against some brittle self-esteem or even trauma. Hale has indeed had some major psychological traumas, even with her advantages, as her even more disturbing 2013 Thought Catalog essay shows (and is oddly enough, titled “Privileged.”) A young peer falsely accused Hale’s mother of sexual abuse, leading to public humiliation. Another essay in Elle notes that the author was herself brutally sexually assaulted when she started college. These tragedies aside, the combination of privilege and trauma can lead to a toxic brew of narcissistic rage. In order to compensate for what has gone wrong, it’s possible to think: how dare anyone question my perfection otherwise? Even someone as lowly as a pseudonymous troll!
Hale then basically demonstrated everything you shouldn’t do to counteract a troll. Someone once compared dealing with a troll to dealing with fires: starve them of oxygen. Don’t give them the time of day. Don’t interact, don’t fight back, don’t get sucked into the maelstrom they crave. In doing so, you are giving them your time, your energy, your power. You are validating their existence in your orbit. You are bringing yourself down to their level. You are choosing to make them real in your life, when usually, your life is much better than theirs objectively speaking. Think about your reality and your advantages. The troll should be nothing.
That being said, sometimes it isn’t easy, and you can become more vulnerable to the troll’s devil dance than usual. If you are dealing with your own dissatisfactions or self-esteem issues, or even depression or trauma, the troll’s punches can land more strongly than they should. You should consider seeking support from friends, family, or even professional help as needed.
You might also be unaware of an addiction to conflict. Sometimes victims of trauma get drawn into what is called a repetition neurosis, a compulsive need to re-enact and undo what happened before. If the trauma involves some sort of history of violence or assault, any new assault, even just verbal, can feel like an immediate threat, one that triggers an assortment of anger and dark emotions. Instead of just walking away and ignoring the perpetrator, your fight-or-flight hormones surge and you feel almost an addictive rush and a need to engage. You want to quash the new threat, even if it means jeopardizing your safety and your sanity again. This cycle can be very dangerous and usually leads to self-destruction instead of undoing things. You can get sucked into useless battles a la Itchy and Scratchy and end up looking like “the crazy one.” One needs to move forward, not backward, after a trauma accordingly.
Aside from trauma, creative types such as writers and gamers who have thrived online are sometimes more vulnerable to criticism, since they stereotypically are more introverted and seek forms of artistic self-expression and approval accordingly. They feel they are really putting their heart and soul on the line when they publish a work and feel that much more pain when people disapprove of them or insult them online. Narcissistic injury is commonplace and more than understandable, but again, it’s time then to step back and get perspective.
Some ways to cope include cognitive-behavioral exercises where one reality-tests what is happening with evidence-based thoughts, and by setting limits behaviorally on online interactions. Focus on what is positive in your life, instead of what is negative. (Chances are positivity far outweighs the one or two bad apples.) Avoid reading or engaging in comments sections if you know they affect you. If you do choose to fight back, keep it very brief, firm, and polite. Model your calmness and indifference as a sign of strength. Try to accept that sometimes people will attack you, misunderstand you, and more but that they are not worth your time and energy. Realize that those who project anger and vitriol are often just as miserable and lacking in self-esteem in their own lives. Realize above all that they are just online figures shadow-puppeting themselves, that they don’t have to matter in your real world. Set firm boundaries if you need to and get offline if it’s becoming a timesuck. Focus on the good relationships and healthy people in your real world.
Ultimately, a troll can be as easy to eliminate as hitting an off switch on your computer. If you find that it isn’t that easy for you, it’s time to assess what else is going on. You cannot necessarily control a troll, but you can control your reaction to a troll as much as possible. If a troll has crossed the line into your real life with actual in-person violations and threats (as has apparently happened during the Gamergate scandal), then you have grounds to take appropriate legal and police actions.
That being said, it remains to be seen what can be done about the scourge of negativity that trolls indulge in and why so many people feel the need to abuse and bash others online. It’s also a whole new animal when dealing with real-life “trolls” in the workplace and in relationships. They don’t have an off switch. We still have a general a**hole problem in humankind, and we still haven’t figured out how to solve that one yet.
Copyright Jean Kim 2014.
Image: Wikimedia Commons: Graphic by EFF designer Hugh D'Andrade
