Morality, in my opinion, is a subject that very few people really understand. It is a topic that has fascinated me all my life, and I have thought that we could better understand it if we ask the question after which this blog is named, cui bono? That is, if a person engages in an act that we would describe as "moral," who actually benefits from the act? Maybe you are inclined to assume that when you act morally, it is mostly other people who benefit. However, from an evolutionary viewpoint, it would be impossible for moral dispositions to arise if they benefited only other people at a cost to the person who was behaving morally. The moral person must also benefit in some way, or else natural selection would work against the tendency.
In future blog posts I want to delve into this topic in detail, as this topic is what inspired the name of this blog. This evening, however, I simply want to share a few thoughts about how parents can best benefit their children. Ask parents this question, and surely a number of them will say something to the effect that they want to instill "good moral values" into their children. But what are "good moral values?" As a father, I might say that obedience to authority is a "good moral value." It would certainly be good for me, in the sense that if my children internalized obedience, they would do what I ordered them to do. Cui bono? I do.
I am not pointing this out because I am one of those question-authority anarchists who sees no value in respect for authority. In fact, I think there is a healthy kind of respect for authority that might be worth instilling in children because it will help them to have positive interactions with the many legitimate authority figures they will encounter in their lives. What I want to point out is that a father who instills obedience in his children experiences a direct and immediate benefit by getting his children to behave morally: he acquires a set of personal servants. I think that when parents try to instill moral values in their children, there is always a danger that the parents could end up benefiting more than the children.
My own aspirations as a parent were influenced long ago by a book I read in college by Harry Browne, entitled How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World. In the book is a chapter on freedom from family problems, and in the chapter is a section on raising what he called "a sovereign child." I recently wrote a letter to one of my sons in which I described my aspirations as a parent, and I paraphrased what Browne wrote on that subject. Here is what I said.
I want to let you deal directly with the world as much as possible. I want to let you experience the consequences of your own actions. I want to be available to let you know my opinions - without implying that my opinions are binding on you. I would like you to think of me as a wiser, more experienced person - but not as a moral authority who stands in the way of you living your own life. I will not argue, I will only suggest what seems to be true as far as I can tell. I want to be a source of useful information and opinion concerning the consequences of acts. I want to recognize and treasure your uniqueness. I hope that you will be willing to talk with me openly about your ideas, plans, and problems - because you won't have to fear the kind of moral judgment that some parents inflict on their children when they disagree with their ideas and actions. I want you to be free to live the kind of life that you want to live.
