Creative Development

Maureen: This article was incredibly helpful on many counts. It describes our daughter perfectly. Although she's only 22 months, and it may be too early to detect these signs, every trait you've described my wife and I have noticed since she was just a few months old (esp. the highly perceptive to details, people, etc.). We've known she's notably emotional - usually in a highly positive way. As for 'gentle discipline,' you're right. She's been approaching 'the age of meltdowns' for the past few weeks, and I just happened to read rather quickly how important it is to speak in a way that indicates you understand their feelings. So while she wails, I'll start saying in a kind tone things that indicate that I understand why she's crying and then respectfully explain the situation to her. Usually, but not always, her crying subsides, she'll utter, "yeah," and calm down.

Thanks for giving my wife and me language to help us further understand our daughter and for affirming we're doing the right things as parents.

I was a highly sensitive child and am now a nervous wreck. I hope lots of parents read your article and heed your suggestions.

Jeffrey, definitely NOT too young to tell! I was a sensitive child and so was my husband. I had a really tough time, even with my mom now who told me I was too sensitive and would try to just control me or not be so sensitive and treated it like it was a deficiency.

My daughter was born and immediately did not like bright lights, sounds, etc. and was a very calm and mellow baby ( very happy ) so long as not overstimulated. We've followed Montessori in our house and have found it is awesome and she is 3 and has had very few tantrums and is caring and sweet, focused and independent. We try not to raise our voice -- give guidance and choices rather than discipline ( not even a time out because even a stern look is more than enough to get the point across ). She is shy with strangers and takes a bit to warm up, though, and is sensitive still around loud noises.... prefers quiet, leisurely dinners to noisy restaurants. My mom now keeps saying "You and your husband made her that way."... very annoying. Besides, she is amazing in our eyes-- who cares if she doesn't want to be at the Cheesecake Factory on a Friday night with other screaming kids.

Rachel: Thanks for your affirmation and further insight. Can you recommend resources for learning more about Montessori's methods in the home?

Thanks,
Jeffrey

BTW, I have found that Montessori, because it is such a calm and orderly environment ( both visually and physically ), really does suit her. It is amazing to watch a class of 8 or 9 2-3 year old children all quietly, respectfully, and cooperatively working together in an orderly manner.... beautifully stunning. It really allowed her to come out of her shell and grow. I wonder if anyone else ended up choosing a Montessori or Waldorf for their sensitive children... it just seems a natural fit.

My son is 8 years old and as a baby we have found him to be highly sensitive. I have read your artical regarding how to deal with a 'Highly Sensitive Child' as a parent but what about in school? I have had trouble getting my Son to go to school as he seems petrified of his teacher - saying she shouts and he feels like she doesn't care about him. He is very unhappy to the extent that he isn't eating at mealtimes & is withdrawn at home, which has affected my whole family. The thing is is that he had the same teacher in Year 1 and I had exactly the same problem. The school didn't offer much support and treated me like a 'neurotic' mother who was over protective. He was very happy in Year 2 with a different teacher. Now in Year 3 he has the same teacher as Year 1 again and it has all started up again. My son clearly has some issues to wards the teachers manner in class. How can I get the school/Teacher to deal with my Son in this sensitive manner and understand this issue.

Kylie ~ By way of personal identification with your son: When I was in second grade, I was placed in an advanced math class. The teacher terrified me. She was abrupt, insensitive, at times cruel to other children. I developed severe stomach aches and frequently went to the nurse's office with fake illnesses to avoid her class. After literally being hospitalized for five days with no results, my parents started attending my classes and figured out the connection. My mother implored the principal relentlessly to listen that I would rather be in a "normal" math class with a teacher I liked than in an "advanced" math class with a teacher who scared me. The principal admitted to my mother that the teacher "doesn't seem to like children very much and probably should be teaching in a high school." I'm interested to hear what Maureen suggests, but I suggest you go to the top - to the principal, to the superintendent, and then to a board member if necessary.

Thank you so much for this article! This describes much of the frustration and anguish I dealt with (specifically in school) as a sensitive child. I was very fortunate to have a mother that was highly attuned to this, and while she was firm in her discipline, she always made sure I knew it came from a loving place through routine hugging and cuddling.

School was torture a good percentage of the time, especially in middle school and onward. The lack of understanding from my high school teachers led me to believe something was inherently wrong with me and I subsequently gave up on trying in my sophomore year of high school and I barely passed my classes. Having been an honor roll student for most of my youth, this was a sudden shock to my parents.

As I grew older, I gradually learned how to deal with my sensitivity to situations. I've spent the last 5 years learning how to cultivate my sensitivity into usefulness without allowing it to inhibit my activities. Some days are more difficult than others, but I am learning more and more about myself with each new situation.

I run across lots of children the parent's label as sensitive, but in many of the cases the child lacks the empathy towards others that you describe. I have to admit that a sensitive, but empathetic child is easy to be patient with. I am often overprotective of that type of child. The child who is easily hurt by others, cries a lot, but tattles on others, wants special treatment, etc., is not one I have much patience for. It feels more like entitlement than sensitivity. Is the sensitive child always empathetic towards others? If not, how does one draw the line between sensitivity and entitlement.

My son is now 9 and displays many of the traits of a highly sensitive person. I realize now that we've been dealing with him incorrectly, so my question is, is it too late to help him? We worry all the time that we've done something to damage him and just didn't know how to deal with him. I was ready to send him to a child psychologist for help. Can we adjust our behavior now to help him adjust to situations, or has it gone on too long? I desperately want to help him.