"Look Dad, there's Santa Claus!" stated Ruth at age five
"Sweetheart, Santa Claus isn't real" shared David her father as he was driving
Fast forward twenty years, and Ruth is still talking about how she wanted to believe in Santa Claus. She was a young Jewish girl in the above exchange and her father assuredly let her know from the get-go that Santa wasn't real. Ruth was disappointed and longed to believe as a child. Today, Ruth is a mother of three children and raising her children in the philosophy of New Thought with Santa Claus as an added bonus. My question is this: Is Santa a helpful hoax?
The Case for No
Something deep inside of me says that lying to your children is wrong. Telling young and gullible kids that a big fat man with a beard is coming down your skinny chimney seems not only illogical but an outright lie. Then this guy who sees everything is going to give you toys only if you are nice again seems like we are "setting our kids" for conditional versus unconditional love. So here's my case for thinking that Santa may not be a helpful hoax:
• The First Lie - Telling children that Santa Claus is real is the first lie we tell them. Every child begins believing his or her parents or guardians completely until we prove we are not trustworthy. By telling kids Santa is real it sets them up for disappointment when they learn that Santa isn't real.
• Naughty versus Nice - I believe telling children that they are rewarded only based upon good behavior begins emphasizing the wrong thing. Children need to feel unconditionally loved and supported in this world versus loved "only if" they get their library books back on time or pass a spelling quiz. The naughty or nice motto seems to teach kids that only if they do A will they get B (love) and that's not how unconditional love works.
• Life is a Game - At one point children learn that their parents are playing Santa Claus and keep "believing" outwardly so they get gifts. I remember the moment I discovered a new bicycle under a sheet in the basement, and at seven thought " Santa wouldn't hide it here" but I kept playing along so I could get gifts and began thinking that life was a game. This is an unfortunate outcome of the Santa charade.
The Case for Yes
Children love Santa Claus and the magic surrounding this myth. The idea that a magical being exists somewhere far away, and one time a year comes to visit us personally seems uplifting. It helps children begin believing in a world beyond their eyes and makes them feel special. Characters like Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, and places like the North Pole seem like a fairy-tale come alive, too. The benefit of keeping the Santa story alive seem to be:
• Fun - Children want to play and experience this world as a playful adventure. Santa as a myth and magical figure is mostly playful. The play instinct is considered a powerful quality to be developed since it will spill into every area of your life and eventually be a cause for happiness.
• Believe - Every child wants to believe in a world beyond their eyes, which is why the Chronicles of Narnia and Harry Potter are so darn popular. These stories encourage a child to believe in magic and their inner sense of power. Santa Claus has that sense of magic in the myth yet I would deem it not as empowering as say a Harry Potter or the Wizard101 game.
Ultimately Undecided
Even though I lean towards not pushing the Santa Claus envelope forward, I do have a stepson that is already enmeshed in the myth and see how much he enjoys the idea that Santa Claus is coming to town. When Conor's eyes light up and he puts the cookies out for Santa on Christmas Eve it becomes really hard not to believe. But then again I can easily put my head on the pillow knowing I wasn't the one who told him his first lie, and guided him to believe in something that wasn't true.
© 2010 by Maureen Healy
Maureen Healy is the founder of Growing Happy Kids, LLC and is a parenting author of 365 Perfect Things to Say to Your Kids (Small Press United). She is also a frequent speaker and media expert on the topic of children's emotional health and parenting. More information: www.growinghappykids.com
