Kids can be so unkind. Words do hurt. Jacob (age 3) cried to me after being called stupid. It rattled him to his core. Anna (age 6) has been called a crybaby repeatedly. It stung deep. Addison (age 7) was seen kicking my dog. Ouch. Kindness apparently doesn't come naturally to every kid. Cultivating kindness, I believe, is one of the most essential qualities to raising a happy child.
The Happiness Connection
"When we feel love and kindness towards others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace" explained His Holiness the Dalai Lama. I believe this to be true. The more kindness you extend to self and others - the more happiness is generated within your being.
Kindness, in other words, is an essential building block of inner happiness. It also propels inner peace.
Children who demonstrate kindness are compassionate in their words and deeds. Such kids often display generosity, gentleness and goodwill towards others. Lizzie (age 6) volunteers weekly with her mother, Erin, in a woman's shelter. Asking Lizzie about her experience she explained, "I love it. It makes me happy to help. I feel good all around." I couldn't have connected the dots better for her.
Raising Kind Kids: It's a process!
Cultivating kindness in kids can be done creatively and engagingly. It is a process that can be enjoyed. Planting the seeds of kindness is best done with sincerity and repetition. Some specific ideas are:
· Animals - Children love animals. This is no surprise. Guiding a child to be kind to a real-world animal is a powerful lesson. It can be done at home, a pet store or zoo. Alternatively, you might read a story about an animal such as "Siddhartha and the Swan" that teaches about kindness. Available through The Clear Vision Trust (http://www.clear-vision.org/students/undereleven.aspx).
· Meditation - Children love to imagine. Use the power of their imagination to send kindness to people who need it. You can lock-in a daily time (i.e. bedtime or morning) to sit with your child, generate kindness and then send it to those that need it (i.e. friends, teachers, family members, community members, world leaders and kids in other countries). To read more look at my "Mind Training for Tots" post (http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/creative-development/200811...).
· Service - Children often want to get their hands dirty. Perhaps there is a creative way in your town to encourage your child's kindness (i.e. volunteering, fundraising, donating). One great idea is Crayons4Kids (www.crayons4kids.com) that is run by a 12 and 13 year old that donates crayons to sick kids in hospitals. It may inspire your child.
· Karma - Children want to feel good. Teaching them about the law of cause and effect is a powerful helper, in my mind, to teaching kindness. Kids can learn that the more kindness they send out - the more it gets returned. Karma is oversimplified here but the main message is clear. One interactive way to teach this is to get a boomerang and explain karma is like a boomerang!
· Interconnectedness - Children want to feel connected. Guiding children to "see" how everyone in society is connected is a powerful lesson. It can be taught in a number of ways. Some examples are making cookies or food for the local police station, firefighters or elderly in a nursing home. It will brighten their day and display kindness.
Teaching kids to "think" globally is also essential. It is empowering. And little things make a big difference. Some neighborhood kids and I donated a little bit to build a school in Cameroon, Africa. It was kindness in action. And boy, oh boy were we surprised to see a photo of the plaque with our names on it! It was another lesson underscoring our interconnectedness.
The Cheerful Reward
Kind kids are happier kids. Einstein even attributed his ability to cheerfully and courageously face each new day to Kindness, Beauty and Truth. Extending kindness to our self and others (i.e. compassion) has been proven by science to contribute to a person's sense of positive well-being. Cultivating this quality within your child helps foster his or happy future (as well as yours)!
All Rights Reserved
© 2009
Reproduced only with written permission by author.
Follow the blog via Twitter (mdhealy).
