It's easy to play the "if only" game with yourself. "If only I had a lot of money, I could go to a spa and lose weight." "If only I could meet the love of my life, I would stop eating so much." "If only I had time to get to the gym..." Excuses, excuses! Losing weight isn't about having enough money. (Just ask Oprah.) It's not about having everything in place in your life. (Just ask Oprah about that, too.) It's all about determination and motivation. People who eat right and work out regularly find a way and make the time, no matter what else is going on in their lives. People who make big, successful changes in their lives don't make excuses.
Another good one is the blame game. "I ate that whole bag of Twizzlers because a customer called me stupid." "My boyfriend said I was fat so I ate the entire bag of cookies." Blaming is just a way of giving up responsibility for yourself. It says you don't have control over what happens to you. It says other people determine your fate and therefore your fatness. Blamers find it hard to admit that they're wrong about something or that anything that goes wrong is their own fault. Or maybe you blame yourself for everything. Sound familiar? If so, then step aside! You're standing in your own way of losing weight and getting healthy.
No one likes to be blamed for anything or held responsible for a less-than perfect outcome. Are you a blamer? Take this quiz and find out:
Whose fault is it that you're fat?
a) Your boss, for always making you feel incompetent
b) Your grandmother, for passing along the fat gene
c) Yours, for not controlling yourself
d) All of the above
e) None of the above
While it may be true that your boss is a maniac, your grandmother had fat thighs too, and you have a tendency to eat vending machine food when no one is looking. But the correct answer is still (e). It's no one's fault if you're overweight. It's due to a combination of factors, some of which you can control and some of which you probably can't. You can deal with all them, but not when you're wasting time and energy pointing your finger.
There's good reason not to blame yourself or anyone else for your weight issues. Blame isn't motivating; it's just something you use as an excuse to avoid the responsibilities that go hand-in-hand with getting healthy.
Instead of blaming, try conquering. Instead of telling yourself, "I ate those peanut M&Ms because I hate my supervisor," say "I'm not going to let her get to me this way." Instead of looking at your thighs and hating your family for them, use the information you have about your genes and do what you can to prevent your body from getting more and more out of shape as you get older.
Don't be fooled into thinking it's somehow easier for other people to lose weight and keep the weight off. You might gain weight just looking at a cup of low-fat ice cream, while your best friend devours a double scoop every day without putting on an ounce. Your coworker who goes to the gym almost every day might hate exercising as much as you do, but she has somehow learned to do things she doesn't like to do because they're good for her, and it's paying off. If you want to lose weight, or improve any aspect of your lifestyle, don't let yourself off the hook too easily.
Most of us could easily follow a few basic rules for eating better and losing or maintaining weight if we would just take the time to remember them and incorporate a few new behaviors into our daily routines. If you answer "yes" to any of the following questions, focus on changing just that one self-defeating habit and see what happens.
Do you look for quick fixes? Think "bigger picture." It's a cliché, but everything worth having takes time.
Do you eat when you're not hungry? When you start to eat between meals, think about whether or not you're really hungry. If you're really eating because of boredom, stress, sadness, or frustration, come up with something else to do instead.
Do you eat on the run? You may not be able to sit down to three square meals a day, but you might improve your eating habits if you follow some sort of set schedule.
Do you go more than five hours without eating? If so, you're likely to overeat when you finally sit down to a meal.
Do you insist on going it alone? People who seek and find support in family and friends are more likely to be successful at losing weight. Find a food buddy and an exercise partner.
Do you give up just because you gave in? When you fall off the wagon and eat too much or indulge in high-calorie, high-fat foods, just forget about it and jump right back on the wagon. A slip-up is not a failure. You're human and it's okay to act like one sometimes.
Susan McQuillan is the author of Breaking the Bonds of Food Addiction and Low Calorie Dieting for Dummies.
