Contemplating Divorce

Whether you should stay or go

Why You Should Let Go of Your Bad Marriage

Your Mate May Be Hazardous to Your Health

I know it's hard to let go of certain people-especially if you love them, if you are married to them, and if you made a vow to be with them "until death do us part."

 BUT, things happen. People change. Circumstances change. Feelings change. 

If you have ever left (or are now leaving) a relationship because your mate is toxic, addicted, immature, mentally ill, or just not the right fit for you, you probably appreciate what this photo says (When the wrong people leave your life the right things start to happen).

If you are being left by someone you love and you don't understand and you're hurt, angry and feeling completely rejected, you may read this sign and feel worse.

But here's what I know for a fact: 

There will come a day when you will understand why this had to happen.

Perhaps you didn't realize how unhappy or unhealthy your relationship had become; maybe your life needed to take this new direction so that you could get the career or neighborhood of your dreams; or a certain amazing and much better-suited person couldn't have come into your purview if you hadn't gotten out of your comfort zone.

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Did it ever occur to you that there is a bigger picture that you aren't privy to? Maybe you're being called to do service somewhere else! Maybe it's not really a bad thing in the end.

An example of this is a Novato woman I worked with several years ago who had been a stay-at-home mom and part time artist.

About six months ago, I was listening to the radio in my car and I heard her name as the next guest they were going to interview. What a nice surprise!

 After hearing her, I contacted her and found out that not only is she thriving post-divorce (a messy awful divorce that wreaked havoc on her and her kids), but she has gone on to have a killer career! She is well-known in the San Francisco art world and she's schmoozing with some big name people AND doing a wonderful service for the community.

I see this kind of thing happen all the time. Especially for those who believe it can happen. (Here are links to two other stories of people who see that divorce was the best thing that ever could have happened to them: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-pease-gadoua/can-divorce-bring-out-you_b_2697144.html and http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201108/one-womans-story-losing-200-unhealthy-pounds-in-her-divorce)

The Moral? Stay Strong and Carry On!

Trust that everything happens for a reason and that you are being guided. You will feel better again in time. 

(By the way, if several years have passed and you're not feeling better, it's probably an indication that you need more support than you're getting—perhaps an untreated depression/chemical imbalance, or unresolved grief—so please contact a doctor or mental health practitioner.)

Susan Pease Gadoua, L.C.S.W., is the author of Contemplating Divorce and Stronger Day by Day.

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