Divorce: What You Don’t Know Will Hurt You

After a decade of working with divorcing people, I am still floored when I hear stories such as the one I heard this week of a woman who has spent $70,000 just on her attorney's fees (he's spent closer to $100,000) with nothing to show for it - no spousal support agreement, no final marital settlement agreement and no divorce decree in hand! Thankfully, she doesn't have young children - otherwise, the price tag would surely be higher.

The average price of a divorce in the U.S. is $10,000 per person according to SmartMoney.com.
That's a fair-sized chunk of change and, given how complex dissolving a marriage can be (dividing assets and debts, deciphering child custody schedules, and negotiating child and spousal support) this number is not outrageous.

However, in cases such as the aforementioned, where this couple has spent close to $200,000 with a good distance to go (and no children to fight over), there is something really wrong with this picture.

When I asked the woman how the attorney bills got so high and what she has paid for, she tells me doesn't know. She went on to say that she hasn't really looked at the bills because the whole divorce process is so overwhelming for her.

This woman shared with me that her attorney yelled at her recently and bullied her into attending a meeting that she knew would be unproductive because her soon-to-be-ex had not produced updated financial documents. Sure enough, a four-hour meeting took place in which no new information was offered.

Four times $400 is $1600. Not counting travel fees, copying fees, summarizing fees and whatever other fees were accrued in organizing this meeting.

The answer to my question, "How did the bill get so high?" is simple: lack of knowledge and/or research about the divorce process - what to expect and how to save time, money and energy, lack of trusting her instincts, and lack of taking a stand to stop the unnecessary costs from racking up.

Additionally, this woman was using her attorney to calculate all her financials and, in essence, as a therapist. Attorneys are not "one-stop-shops" (although some would like you to think they are) and these are not good ways to use him or her.

In general, financial professionals cost about half as much as lawyers and therapists a third to a quarter less. Not only that, but those trained in finance and mental health do a better job in these areas than an attorney would do!

Be an educated consumer.

We have come a long way with questioning the medical profession. Where once we took doctor's opinions as gospel, we are now asking more questions, doing more of our own research and getting second opinions.

The law should be no different.

An attorney who has your best interest in mind will tell you how you can save money, will not intimidate you and will not try to take advantage of your lack of knowledge and experience with the law.

Three simple money-saving tips -
1) Interview at least three attorneys before choosing the one you feel is right;
2) Do your own research either through the internet, books (see list below) or divorce education workshops;
3) Trust your gut - if something doesn't feel right, don't do it until you have more information or feel satisfied that it is the right action to take.

Nolo Press Reading List:

Divorce and Money
http://www.nolo.com/products/divorce-and-money-DIMO.html

Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce
http://www.nolo.com/products/nolos-essential-guide-to-divorce-NODV.html

And many other books:
http://www.nolo.com/products/child-support/

Additional reading:

Contemplating Divorce, A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go, outlines pros and cons of each divorce method, discusses how to choose a lawyer and has many money-saving tips and ideas. http://www.contemplatingdivorce.com

Additional Resource:

http://www.forbes.com/2006/11/07/divorce-costs-legal-biz-cx_lh_1107lega…

No part of this publication may be reproduced without the express written permission of the author. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement.