I don't know about you, but I feel like I was cheated on by Tiger Woods, Mark Sanford, John Edwards, David Letterman, and Bill Clinton (the list goes on and on).
Obviously, I was not married to any of these men, nor do I know any of them or have a personal relationship with them. Still, I feel betrayed.
Upon introspection, I realize that the reason I feel cheated is that I had an investment in believing that all these men were what I consider to be "upstanding."
The Encarta Dictionary provides a definition of upstanding as "honest and socially responsible." These men were all dishonest and incredibly socially irresponsible, not only to their wives, but to us as well.
Being famous carries an implied standard of comportment that, while unfair, exists. It's not unlike our expectation that all doctors should live a healthy lifestyle (eat well and exercise) and all therapists should enjoy excellent mental health.
These standards vary in different parts of the world. In many cultures, there is an expectation that extramarital affairs will happen. Here, in America, however, it means a quasi-unrecoverable fall from the pedestal we put famous people on. How these men deal with their extra-marital affairs has as much - or more - impact on whether we forgive and forget or not.
Bill Clinton so clearly lied and spent tremendous energy covering his affairs up, not only to us - the public - but to the United States Congress.
David Letterman, facing a $2 million blackmail scheme, fessed up on air to his many thousands of viewers to head off the scandalous story that was about to be broken. Given that Letterman was somewhat victimized by Joe Halderman, and knowing the rampage his soon-to-be-ex wife, Regina Lasko was gearing up for, we had more sympathy for him.
Tiger privately went to rehab and "apologized" publicly this past week.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/20/sports/golf/20watch.html
It was an insincere attempt to assuage his fans. It smacked of the apology my parents used to make me give my little brother - "say, you're sorry," "sorry!"
Not only was it disingenuous, but my fingers were crossed behind my back knowing that the minute Mom and Dad were out of sight, I'd be back to teasing him or doing whatever it was they made me apologize for. (Was anyone watching Tiger's fingers? Were they visible at the podium?)
I'm not a betting person but if I were, I'd predict that Tiger will do it again when he thinks no one is looking unless he stays in treatment for a good while longer. I imagine that Bill Clinton has never stopped his antics and, as much as I like John Edwards, I find it hard to believe he only had one affair.
I also imagine that any man with fame, money, good looks, or political power, who is so inclined, will continue to exploit his celebrity until he either grows up or has severe enough consequences (arrests, divorces, financial losses) to make them want to stop.
Treatment is a viable option, but a 90-day treatment program alone won't likely turn Tiger's addiction around. As with alcohol and drug addicts, the entire family system needs to be treated (and we know Elin attended a portion of the program) and recovery should be a life-ling process - not something that ends when the spotlight turns toward someone else.
Time will tell. These men are not the first, nor will they be the last, to be unfaithful, dishonest and socially irresponsible, but I will likely continue to hold famous people to an unrealistic standard and keep hoping for the best.
