I've spoken with hundreds of divorcing people during the past decade and three things stand out that almost every divorcing person has needed in order to have a better experience with their dissolution: resources, information and support.
By resources I mean not only family law attorneys, but also accountants, therapists, financial counselors, financial advisors and real estate agents; a divorce team, if you will. These professionals either specialize in divorce or are knowledgeable in this area and know what their clients need.
Not everyone will need the same professional resources so each person's team may look different. For example, a couple with no children will not need a co-parenting counselor and a husband and wife who didn't own their home will probably not need a real estate agent.
The two resources I believe most people will absolutely have to have are a lawyer and an accountant. An attorney knows the law and the legal system and will give advice on what to ask for and what the best possible outcome might be. The lawyer does not have to fully represent the client but can be a consultant.
Because there are tremendous tax implications for those divorcing, an accountant is a vital resource as early in the process as possible.
The divorce team provides these soon to be ex's with the information they will need to navigate their way through the divorce process. Information such as how, where and when to file divorce papers or have your spouse served; how to deal with the intense emotions that come up; how to co-parent through the dissolution; how to gather financial documents and how to create a new budget for living without your spouse.
In my experience, when people have more information about what is coming and what to expect, they are less afraid and, therefore, easier to deal with.
In addition to getting clients information, often, the professional resources are called upon to be a supportive environment by way of a shoulder to cry on or a compassionate ear.
Divorce is one of the most difficult transitions anyone will make in their life (even if it's the second or third dissolution). Getting proper emotional support is vital and can determine how quickly (or slowly) one gets through even after the divorce decree has been signed by the judge.
Having a good therapist or divorce group to listen is wonderful; dealing with the emotions head on will make the entire process pass more quickly than for those who are trying to avoid the pain or numb out in some way.
Feeling like your divorce professionals are truly interested in your outcome will make you feel more at ease and more trusting.
If you are currently divorcing and you don't feel you have adequate resources, information or support, it behooves you to get it. You will save time, money and precious energy by having all that you need.
