Glenn Richardson, Georgia's Speaker of the House, tried to commit suicide last week. The act was far from being a publicity stunt. Richardson simply wanted out of his pain - the pain he has endured for over two years following his separation and subsequent divorce in February of 2008.
Despite the fact that Mr. Richardson is getting professional support, he told the press that his depression often seems resolved but when a trial or tribulation falls in his path, the depressive symptoms flare up.
To me, this says that Mr. Richardson is simply not done grieving. Without knowing him, I will guess that he is like so many divorcing people I work with: he wants to be done with his grief because it's painful and inconvenient, so he tries to shove it back into the basement of his mind. When he is weakened by stress, exhaustion or illness, the demons pop back up in his life and have a field day.
Even the best therapist in the world can't make someone feel their feelings, but I hope that Mr. Richardson, and the thousands like him, can learn to become more comfortable being with their pain. After all, depression and sadness are normal, healthy reactions to a challenging and often heartbreaking transition.
There is a wonderful saying, "the only way out is through." Being able to sit with the sadness, pain and sorrow of divorce will actually help the grief pass more quickly.
Yet, most people still try to distract themselves by staying busy, creating drama, feeding addictions, making geographic changes - anything that will keep them from themselves.
When I work with clients on helping them experience their grief, I show them the Chinese hand-cuffs I have in my top desk drawer. I ask them to place their forefingers in either end and then try to get out of the contraption.
Predictably, most will try to pull their fingers out of the cuffs but this only serves to tighten the bands more. The key to getting free of them is to do the opposite thing they are inclined to do - go in toward the contraption!
So it is with our intense emotions. When we "go in toward them," allow them to be and have patience with ourselves, we become liberated. When we push uncomfortable feelings away from us, they linger and even dog us. They won't go away until they have been fully acknowledged.
I hope Mr. Richardson has a good therapist who can guide him through the maze of grief in a way that teaches him how to fully feel so he can fully heal and I wish him peace in his heart.
