Contemplating Divorce

Whether you should stay or go.

by Susan Pease Gadoua

Want to Know the Number One Way to Save Money in a Divorce?

I don't know anyone who likes to spend their hard-earned money on a divorce. And divorce is incredibly expensive with attorneys charging upwards of $300 or $400 per hour, financial people charging thousands, and any other professionals needed adding to the long list of bills that make it feel like money is flying out the door. Read More

Finding Out Your Spouse Is Gay

Being left by a spouse who says that the marriage is over is difficult and coming to terms with the loss can be excruciating. But when the marriage is over because your spouse turns out to be gay, there is a whole different layer of thoughts and emotions to contend with. Read More

The Holidays and Divorce: The Five Best Things You Can Do for Yourself (And Your Kids)

The holidays are the most emotionally charged time of the year;  if you like where you are in life, it's a magical time, but if you don't  like your life circumstances, holiday time can be quite awful.

To those of you who are divorced or divorcing, this can be an especially  challenging couple of months.

Here are some suggestions to get through this period a little bit better: Read More

Knowing If You Should Stay or Go

When trying to decide whether or not to end a marriage most people have at least some ambivalence. This ambivalence can be confusing and I often hear the contemplator say that he or she is waiting for a sign or waiting until the "knowledge" that it's time to leave is present. Read More

Would You Take Your Spouse Back?

In my experience, when a person is the leavee, they often tell me initially they would take their spouse back if he or she wanted to come back to the marriage. This is true particularly when the spouse being left didn't see it coming and didn't think the problems in the marriage were "that bad."

But then something interesting happens. Read More

Is God Involved in Marriage and Divorce

In my last article, I wrote about some of the reasons people get married other than love.

While most of those who responded thought the article had several good points, some told me in no uncertain terms that my ideas were not novel, and the religiously-minded readers were infuriated by my lack of focus on the holy nature of marriage. Read More

Is There a Secret to "Happily Ever After?"

Kate Schermerhorn is an Emmy Award winning filmmaker who contacted me after reading the "Getting Marriage-Whys" article I posted a few weeks ago. She had many of the same thoughts I did about the role that marriage plays in our lives today. Read More

Getting Marriage-Whys: What We Really Need to Change

This week in headlines, we heard that Mexico is introducing legislation that will potentially put time frames around marriage with the minimum contract lasting two years.

There are now approximately 26 countries throughout the world that recognize civil unions, domestic partnerships and same sex marriages. Read More

Three Divorces for the Price of One

When most of us hear the word divorce, we think of one process that involves tasks such as dealing with the local courts and getting a lawyer, sorting out finances and child custody issues and one or both spouses having to move to a new neighborhood. Read More

So You're Married to An Addict: Is Divorce Inevitable?

If you love an alcoholic or addict, you know how terrible the disease of addiction can be and you are indirectly impacted. If you are married to an addict or alcoholic, not only do you suffer from watching the person you love go down the tubes, you are directly effected. Read More

Is There a Legal Action That Can Actually Prevent Divorce?

Cora and John had been married for nine years and had no children. One night, they had a terrible argument over a financial issue that had been brewing for some time. John threw around the "D" word like it was nothing, They had never gone to the level of animosity before. Read More

If You Are Behind in Child Support, You Need to Watch This Video

If you have been a deadbeat parent, next time you win a prize, beware! Read More

One Woman's Story of Losing 200 Unhealthy Pounds in Her Divorce

Ten years ago, Nan (not her real name), told her then husband, Frank, that she wanted to remodel the kitchen. After over seven long months of hellish construction, Nan finally had the kitchen she'd always dreamed of.

Just when she thought life was going to return to a sense of normalcy, she got the rudest awakening of her life: Frank announced that he wanted a divorce. Read More

When Parents Make Children Their Friend or Spouse

When my parents divorced, thirty years ago, my younger brother was the only one of the five kids who hadn't gone of to college yet. As the "only child" at home, my mother leaned on him heavily and, as so many lonely parents do, she turned him in to her surrogate husband. Read More

What choices do "none-agomous" couples have?

Being held hostage in a sexless marriage is, to some, nothing short of torture. Sex is not only physically pleasurable, it is also an avenue for intimacy and emotional (and sometimes mental and spiritual as well) connection. It is a stress reliever when relationships are good but it can be the --cause--of tremendous stress when the relationship is not so good. Read More

Bitter to the End Toward Dad

This past week, on June 14th, my 79-year-old mother died. The good news is that in her last few hours, I watched her get to the place where she only had love in her heart. The bad news is that, even the day before her death, she was expressing ill will toward her ex-husband, my father. Read More

Will the Future of Family Law Look Like Integrated Medicine?

"Only people who have what you want can take you where you say you want to go." ~ Pauline Tesler Read More

Feeling Hatred Is Normal in Divorce

When any relationship ends, it's not uncommon for one or both partners to feel intense hatred for the other at some point. Some people feel intense dislike for their spouse even before their marriage ends. Read More

Are Affairs an Epidemic with Celebrities?

It seems that the news has almost weekly reports of a famous couple who has experienced a breech in the marriage by one party or the other having extramarital relations. Today it's Arnold and Maria, last week it was Shania Twain's husband, before that Jesse James, Kelsey Grammar, John Edwards, David Letterman, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, etc., etc., etc. The list certainly seems endless. Read More

Why Divorced Parents May Secretly Be Dreading Summer

I recently discovered that many mothers and fathers actually dread summer for the mere fact that, without the structure of school for their children, they are left to fend for themselves. Read More

Why Divorced Families Face More Challenges Today Than They Did 40 Years Ago

I recently attended the Council on Contemporary Families (CCF) conference in Chicago and found it to be a very enlightening series of talks spanning two days on family trends. Speakers included representatives of the U. S. Census Bureau, authors and scholars, among others. Read More

Trying to Find a Sense of Security While Divorcing

There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity. ~ General Douglas MacArthur Read More

Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage Survey: How Conservative or Liberal Are You?

Last week, I conducted a survey on attitudes of PT readers on marriage, divorce and remarriage.

What was so fascinating to me is that the results showed a great disparity of opinions on what marriage is for and what should happen to this age-old institution. Read More

Are You Conservative or Liberal When It Comes to Marriage & Divorce

Rather than writing an article this week, I am posting an on-line survey to find out how conservative or liberal people are when it comes to marriage, divorce and remarriage. Read More

Experts Answer Some Common Divorce FAQs

Generally, there are two things that impair a person's ability to make good decisions during the divorce process.

The first is emotional state of each spouse. Most divorcing people have periods of feeling overwhelmed by fear, anger, sadness and other negative emotions. Read More

Letting Go

The opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference. ~ Mal Pancoast

Heather was a woman who was completely shocked by her husband’s abrupt announcement that he wanted out of their marriage.

Traditional marriage (that is, a union between a man and a woman 'til death do they part) seems to be the subject of a tug of war in the recent past. Same sex couples around the world are demanding the equal right to marry that heterosexuals enjoy. Heterosexual couples, who ten or twenty years ago would have "had" to marry, are choosing to tie the knot later in life or not at all. Read More

The New Normal

The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine. ~ Mike Murdock Read More

Why Exes Don't Like Gifts From Exes

When my friend Barbara got flowers from her Ex this past Valentine's Day, she saw red - but not because of the roses he'd sent. She was made furious by what her ex probably thought was a lovely sweet gesture - a peace-offering. Read More

Would making marriage harder to enter into reduce the number of divorces?

How many pieces of paper did you sign when you got married? My husband and I signed two. Now ask yourself how many documents people sign in a divorce? Even if it isn't actually two hundred, it certainly feels that way for the average person who has to slog through the morass of legalese. Read More