Confessions of a Techie

David - thanks. This is a good point. I am not a practitioner (nor a social scientist). These are insights mostly form my own personal experience, and from the experience of users of our apps at Signal Patterns. These don't apply to all.

Still, the basic notion that focus should be given to one's actions and not directed outward, as trivial as it may seem, has been an eye opener for myself and many others.

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Sometimes Blame is the Trap

Submitted by John A. on September 3, 2010 - 10:38am.

Many years ago, I learned that taking responsibility is not the same thing as taking blame. If you feel you've been wronged, those who you feel are to blame may never take responsibility. And, there's no point in holding up your life waiting for others to right that wrong. To get on with things, ignore the blame and take responsibility anyway.

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Blame vs. Responsibility

Submitted by Ran Zilca on September 4, 2010 - 5:17am.

John - thank you for your comment. I agree. My take on it: Blame is about analyzing things after the fact - and is therefore useless... Responsibility is about focusing on actions one can take to change things while they are still in motion.

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Admittedly, the situation

Submitted by John A. on September 5, 2010 - 10:34am.

Admittedly, the situation that brought me to my realization was, in fact, a matter of dwelling on the past. However, I'm not sure that in that case I would have been able to move forward by just recognizing the temporal trap.

The key was recognizing that there was no hope of collecting the past debt AND that by taking responsibility I was not necessarily accepting blame against myself. That is, I had to get over the fear of being blamed if I were to take responsibility. Hence, the notion that taking responsibility is taking control but not necessarily confessing to the crimes of others.

I would even add: for those that are to blame for something in the past, there are cases where making amends is simply impossible. And, it would still be necessary to separate making amends and taking responsibility. Yes, it's always easier to move forward when our trespasses are forgiven, but there are often things that need to be attended to well before we have the opportunity to make amends. We only dig deeper holes when blame and guilt hinder the actions we need to take responsibility for today.

Anyway, I have no objection to adding another tool to my toolbox, so I do appreciate the comment.