Complete Without Kids

Exploring all facets of childfree living.

Parenting: A Lot of Work and Not For All

Cameron Diaz speaks out about being childfree by choice Read More

How selfish are we the childfree?

We the childfree are so selfish that: all of us are taxed to subsidize the tax breaks and education for those with children, many of us cover for those with kids at work, and some of us work for them over "family" holidays. Yep, we're definitely the "selfish" ones here!

Selfish, or self-aware

If Cameron and those of us who choose to be child free are selfish, then what label applies to the people judging us for our personal life choices?

I think this version of "selfishness" should be encouraged, if only so potential parents can actually consider the reality of child rearing prior to pregnancy.

Some people just shouldn't have children, some just don't want to.

Selfishly considerate

I think she is not being selfish but she is actually being considerate to the possible baby.

Being a mother of 2 kids (1 yr old and 4 yrs old), it's definitely hard work (understatement) to take care of the baby/kids personal needs, your own along with demands of other roles. ( I used to work full time till 3 mths ago to dedicate more time to the kids' needs). Even though I have a maid who helps me with the household chores, it is still hardwork to take care of kids. But the difference is I wanted so much to be a mother and be a domestic goddess (the one to look after them, cook for them, clean house so that they can live in a clean beautiful house, tutor them, take them to school), in short, all the works that come along with it. It's like being given a big beautiful mansion by the beach, fully furnished, for free, only condition is you have to do all the cleaning every single day to maintain it. I think it's still worth having =)

For someone who is aware of such hardwork and decides not to have kids, I think she is being considerate to the possible kids since if she gets to have kids, she may not be able to be a good mother and may find kids to be burdensome which is not fair for the kids. If the kids could also choose their mothers, I'm sure she won't be their choice either.

Courageous?

Cameron Diaz is "courageous"?

Now, call me crazy, but I thought New York City firefighters were courageous. I thought paratroopers were courageous. I thought Martin Luther King was courageous. Those are people who put their lives on the line to help others.

What did Cameron Diaz do that was courageous? Did she risk her life? Did she risk going to prison? DId she risk her job?

No! She risked absolutely nothing. Her decision not to have kids will have absoluely no negative repercussions for her.

If that's courageous, I'd like to know who you consider a coward.

One more thing

Tell your friend "Sherri" she's a first class jerk.

Sherri's niece never judged Sherri for her decision not to have kids, but Sherri doesn't mind being judgmental and looking down on her niece. Sherri doesn't mind telling the entire world how horrible motherhood is for her niece, and how her niece is wasting her life with baby care when she could be pursuing her career.

You can be sure the niece will see Ellen's post. She will then recognize instantly who "Sherri" is, and she'll tell her dear old auntie, "Get the hell out of my life, and don't come back. How DARE you embarrass me in front of millions of strangers????"

Sherri's kind of "help" is the kind we're all better off without.

I quite enjoyed reading this

I quite enjoyed reading this article. I made an extreme commitment to not have children at the age of thirty-two. I rather appreciated hearing about other’s point of view on my decision, and the term “selfish” often came into the conversation. This is one opinion that always left me puzzled.
Simply because I don’t want to have children doesn’t make me selfish. It’s simply that children do not fall within my life plan.
To be selfish, you are primarily concerned with your own interests regardless of the interests of anyone else.
There isn’t any other person that should have an interest in my uterus so much that by my not bearing a child adversely affects them in any negative fashion. Also, there isn’t any other person that should have a negative impact by my making the decision to not raise a child.
I’m honest and upfront with boyfriends in regards to my decision so any unfavorable effects can either be prevented or lessened. I’m not a Saint, but I’m certainly not selfish.

Diaz’s decision is neither selfish or selfless. She is self-actualizing.

Selfish? She isn’t disregarding others for fulfil her own agenda. Selfless? She’s not making a sacrifice. Courageous is a very strong term, but I don’t disagree with it.

If Diaz were a man, would the same words be used to describe him?

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Ellen Walker, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the author of Complete Without Kids: An Insider's Guide to Childfree Living By Choice Or By Chance.

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