Appreciating the benefits of life without kids. Read More
You sure do love you some YOU!
You sound so awesome, so perect, so blissfully happy, I bet you wish everybody could be just like you!
Are you just hopeless clueless, utterly out to lunch? SUrely, you CAN'T make a living as a psychologist! A psychologist has to be able to read people, and you show absolutely no self-awareness, no grasp at all of how narcissistic you sound.
On top of that, if your piece accurately describes yor "choice" not to have children, well, you DIDN'T actually choose not to have children. You and your hsubdand just dithered a long time, ended up without children, and only THEN started acting smug and idealistic about an unplanned result.
YOU didn't consciously choose to stay "child-free" in order to save the Earth or reduce your carbon footprint, so you're NOT entitled to feel superior or virtuous.
YOU didn't consciously choose to forego kids so that you'd have more time to devote to idealistic causes, so you get NO credit for that.
You pretty much stumbled into an important decision, and then started bragging about your non-decision afterward.
I'm glad you're having fun, but neither parents nor non-parents have anything at all to learn from you.
Susie, you sure do love you some anger!
What's it to you if she likes her childfree life? It doesn't mean your life is any less worthy. With as many nosy/judgmental/intrusive comments childfree adults get, don't they have a right to explain the virtues of their side?
We can all learn from each other - including from this author. I appreciate that she is so willing to express life from her perspective so we adults with kids can be a little more empathetic (and not so snotty and superior that we chose to breed).
I don't feel like other people need to live exactly like me...I don't need other people to copy me to validate my choices. Good for her that she's happy. And you, Susie, may want to take a nap or go to therapy if you're holding on to so much anger.
"I don't feel like other people need to live exactly like me...I don't need other people to copy me to validate my choices."
Well said. I think I will use that quote the next time a mother lambasts me for being childfree.
whatever the author's issues, you sure are judgmental, critical, nasty and an anonymous bully. Many people have many issues. Why focus on someone else's?
The constant bragging does get tedious, doesn't it? What bothers me more is the assumption that other people care whether she has kids or not. We don't.
It's your life. Being childfree is working great for you, and that's awesome. Please try to get over the belief that "everyone" wants you to have children. People are just living their own lives the best they can. They really don't have the time or energy to agonize over yours.
Ellen, to get some insight into how you come across, please read about the spotlight effect.
And yet the idea that those of us without children don't care that you do often seems to escape people with children. I am not going to do your work, adjust my house, change my language and so forth just because you have kids. And I do wish I could have a conversation with people who are parents that did not include boring and useless things about their children.
"I am not going to do your work, adjust my house, change my language and so forth just because you have kids."
Of course not. Why would you?
The author wrote this for her fellow childfree adults. It's not self-praise.
One could just as easily write about why they love living in their home state or country. It's not about anyone's situation being better or worse.
If you don't like childfree people, why'd you visit this blog?
Wow this is a lot of anger towards someone just because they are glad not to have kids. I think it is good to remind people that having children is not the greatest achievement ever.
A little angry here perhaps? Where is your tolerence for others' choices.
Ellen Walker doesn't have kids. Ellen Walker is having a pretty nice life. She gets lots of sleep, and works on her hobbies. She had a choice, she made it, she is happy.
If you have kids you'll probably get less sleep and have more stress. There are thousands of women on the Internet and who write books about how happy they are to have the stress of raising children. We have only one woman who is writing about the joys of not having children, why does she need to be ripped apart and insulted?
Somebody is angry and frightened that the life Ellen Walker has chosen might catch on and become a respected choice.
Well said!!! A bit tired of the "Mommy Mafia" myself.
Not having to support children. Wages have stagnated since the 1970s for all but the wealthiest. I doubt that I have the energy to do more than my work. It would be unfair to a child not to give it the advantages of the very wealthy: access, beginning at least with middle school, to preparation for enrollment in the elite universities, where the overwhelming majority of the professoriate comes from; adequate medical care, opportunities for travel, networking. No, I would be raising a child whose life work in all probability would be to serve the elites whose ranks that child could never join.
unhappy (most) people, will kill you for your freedom. I have learned to keep that to myself.
Oh, yeah, that's right. That's what's it's all about, all right. But talkin' about it and bein' it, that's two different things. I mean, it's real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace. Of course, don't ever tell anybody that they're not free, 'cause then they're gonna get real busy killin' and maimin' to prove to you that they are. Oh, yeah, they're gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it's gonna scare 'em.
I like that it is quiet.
That I am concious that I have a concept of adult.
I like that my conversation is about things other than children
I am a mom and I enjoyed reading her perspective. I love my son immensely I can't imagine my life without him. But its okay if women choose to not have children and are able to freely enjoy their child free life. Good for her for articulately the positives of her child free. I am sure someone who may either by choice or were prevented from having kids could find encouragement from this article. And in the not too distance future my son will leave the nest and create his own. And then it will be time for me to figure how to enjoy an adult life of my own.
People are so judgmental about how others lives and choices. Child free or one child or ten children...Its all about making decisions that work best for an individual.
As a parent of one, I enjoyed this article. I too wish I had more time to myself, instead of always being a sleep deprived spectator/servant to someone else's life and volatile moods. Being a parent is joyful sometimes. Most of the time its just unpaid work. Given the population of the earth, we should all be striving to have less or even no children. Unfortunately, for every person practicing restraint, there is a mindless breeding animal having 4 or 5 or 6 kids. In the US, this is true with illegal immigrants. California became majority Mexican/hispanic this month. That will be true of the country as a whole within two generations. We often talk about how we owe law breaking illegal immigrants everything; We owe them citizenship, we owe their many children citizenship, we owe them access to drivers licenses and access to healthcare. We owe their children welfare money and free public education and, later on, college scholarships. We owe them so much. All this, just so we can save a few dollars here and their to avoid paying Americans living wages in agriculture, construction, and food services. What do illegal immigrants owe us? How about restraining yourselves to a financially and environmentally responsible number of children? Can we ask that, or is that racist?
they *do* breed like rats.
I am childless too, by choice, and find that my life is "oh so good" in so many ways. When I think about what I am grateful for, it's having a life that I "chose" opposed to the one I was supposed to live. My Mom is envious of my life choice and has told me several times. That makes me feel good... not bad as others have suggested. At least she is honest.
Thanks for the article. I'm going to buy the book.
Having children is labor and time intensive but nothing on earth that I have experienced is as rewarding.
Reading books, friends, and a career are all great things to spend time on but creating another you, to me, is primordial.
And any animal can breed and have off-spring. So congratulations...your life is as meaningful as a cats. I'm so tired of adults with children acting like they are the next coming of christ and are so "giving and self-less". Give me a break. Some of the most judgmental, critical, rude and uncaring people I have met are "mommys".
"If you don't like childfree people, why'd you visit this blog?"
The better question is... why is this blog posted in the PARENTING Topic Stream?!
I wish our society was more tolerant of people who are childfree, regardless if it is by choice or situation. It is a travesty that us childfree women are referred to as selfish or inferior when in fact we are responsible since we are not having kids because of the expected norm to do so.
I appreciate articles like this to remind me that I am not alone, especially on days like today, Mother's Day. I am not less of a woman for not having a child. I just chose a different path.
More information about formatting options
Ellen Walker, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the author of Complete Without Kids: An Insider's Guide to Childfree Living By Choice Or By Chance.
Who says marriage is where desire goes to die?