Complete Without Kids

Exploring all facets of childfree living.

Three Things I Don’t Love About Being Childfree

Three Things I Don’t Love About Being Childfree Read More

Family Matters

I was raised from a traditional old-school family. There are nine of us total. Seven sisters and two brothers. My oldest sister is almost fifty. Yep. Fifty. How old am I? Twenty-eight. My brother, who is the baby of the family, is twenty-five. I think. Is hard to keep up. Lol

I have a lot of pressure. My parents expect me to have children. All of the sisters have children. So you can imagine coming from a religious family my dad wants me to have kids; my mom wants her spoiled son to have kids(spoiled and proud, lol). Since High School, I have heard it since. Even til this day. But how is my childfred life? Do I want kids?

Secretly, I do. I think is just a normal cycle to have. We all would like kids in some point of our lives, but times have changed. I've changed the last five years or so. Yes, I like flirting, teasing, etc with many of te girls I have met in my life(the Italian chick was just the best, lol). But the first twenty years, especially my teens to high school, were very traditional. Even in High School I played the numbers, because I was being realistic. All these girls in one location, I should find someone I like, right? At least on paper. But due to my parental upbringing I made a lot of bad calls, or as my bpy would say, "You were obssessed with her, right?" I said, "That's an interesting way of putting it. [laughing])." But never went out with her.

Maybe that's why I have committment issues. I guess(and is only a theory) my bad experiences from back in the day turned me into the person I am here today. As someone who had a public strong faith back then I literally saw things from my perspective. But since I never got results, I saw it as a failure. But the way I saw it was if the girl I liked didn't like me, then there's nothing else for me. I'm hopeless, even though many, many girls liked me.

Now, 28 years later, I see it from a realistic point of view. I'll be lying to you if I said my Cathplic belief has betrayed me. My faith will remain with me as long as I am still around. When bad times transpired, I didn't lose faith. I just lost confidence. That was it. And coming from parents who don't agree with abortion and gay marriage, in the old-school way of thinking, I do feel pressured. Not because my parents have failed to raise me, but as a man, to continue the heir. Absolutely. But times do change. I think I take for it granted, because I do have over 20 nephews and nieces. As far as I can remember, since the day I was born, a nephew was around. I have a nephew about my age; I have a nephew who has twins. And I think that closeness and family proximity made me realize that no matter what happens with my decision to finally meet a nice girl, kids will always be a part of me. And that, to some effect, makes me feel like I am already a father, even though I am an uncle of many. At least in my special case.

Disadvantage of being childfree

1) I recognize that many children might be monsters but most are good. I helped my mother when she became old and frail. Who is going to help me?
2) having a daughter--the friendships between mothers and daughters are incredible. I did consider my mother to be my best friend despite my friends insistence that friendships between mother and daughter began with baby boomers and their kids
3) Not seeing a child I have raised come to maturity--not that all kids do.
4) Not having grandchildren to spoil

I can't help noticing

None of the drawbacks you came up with really have anything to do with being "child-free" per se.

"Drawback" #1 applies to anybody who deviates from the norm in any way. All you're really saying is, "Most women have children, and I hate hearing about them. I wish all those women would shut up about their stupid kids and listen to what I feel like talking about instead. Those women act like their kids are the center of the world, when I, Ellen Walker, really am. Pay less attention to your kids and more to ME!"

"Drawback" #2 is just whining. You're married, so you pay lower taxes than single people. Do you resetn the breaks you get? Then don't resent the breaks other people get.

"Drawback" #3 is no drawback at all. Leave your money to some worthy charity. Problem solved.

Your list of "drawbacks" are so tiny that it's obvious you can't think of a single posiitve aspect to having children or a single thing you're missing out on. That shows an amazing lack of empathy and an absurd inability to see thigns from anyone else's point of view. You must be a horrible psychologist.

Re: Jeane Puhl

Drawback #1: The author expressed her feelings on what it feels like to have very little in common with her age-peers. There was no mention of needing to talk about everything SHE wanted to.

Drawback #2- You have no idea what you are talking about. Ever heard of the "marriage penalty"? People without kids get NO tax breaks for their life choices, while parents do. That is an unfair and unnecessary tax break.

Drawback #3- This one I agree with. A worthy relative, a worthy cause...both could use the money upon one's demise.

Your comment at the end was totally off base. The article was not "Things I think are good about having kids."

Think again

There are pros and cons to having children, to getting married, to everything in life. Last time out, Ellen Walker lited the pros of not having children. This time, she's supposed to be listing the cons to not having children.

And she can't think of a single "con" worth taking seriously!

There are good reasons to have or not to have children. No matter which choice a normal woman makes, there's a chance she'll look back and think, "I wish I'd done things differently." No matter which chocie she makes, a normal woman should be able to see why other women chose differently. No matter what choice she makes, a normal woman should occasionally look at friends living differently and think, "That might have been nice."

Ellen Walker's short, feeble list indicates she has absolutely no ability to put herself in anyone else's shoes. That doesn't amke her abad person, but it does make her a terrible therapist.

Me Too

I too have no children, by choice. It's a great life and one I cherish. I too experience problems with relating to my girl pals. They all have kids and it IS the only thing they talk about or can relate to. That is just fine however, I like to talk politics, issues of the day and I love to target shoot, so I find myself with half a dozen male friends who can banter back and forth with me. I have recently become acquainted with a lady without kids. She is 12 years younger than me, so there is a little bit of a culture difference, however, she engages with me in conversations I enjoy.

As to the issue of who I leave all my worldly goods to.... I am giving all my money to my favorite Presidential Library. They are thrilled. :-)

Bonnie

There is no downside to being childfree

None.

Kids are loud and they stink. They suck up resources and return nothing, both in a personal way and in a macro way. I'd rather be killed than be a parent.

My cats will never need college paid for and they'll never scream "I HATE YOU, at me because I didn't buy them the no-panty Barbie.

Screw kids. I'll keep my cats.

Decisions

While I think lashing out to a person who is trying to reach out to a small group of people out there is very unnecessary I can't help but notice how both sides are just trying to tell the other on how they should live their lives.

I am an 28 year old woman who decided, together with my husband, to not have children. Reason? We'd like to live our life however we see fit without having the burden of being 'chained' to their offspring. Are we bad people? I'd like to think we're not, we care about people, the friends around us and our family. Do we like to be questioned about -our- decisions? No.

I can understand that the primal instinct of humans are to breed and populate in order to increase their chance of survival has gotten everyone motivated to do just that. But times have changed, it is no longer a necessity to keep the chain going, matter of fact like someone mentioned in here before: We are having problems with overpopulating and, let us not forget, the environment being severely taxed by an understated overdose of people.

-So parents (not only mothers) looking down on childfree people because they're "selfish", is one of the downsides of being just that.

-The future is scary when you think of being older and perhaps too weak to support yourself. Doesn't mean you're all alone however.

-Friends and family who have children will mostly talk about them, leaving you pretty much isolated in the conversation since you can't relate to them. It does cripple ones friendship, parents don't have time anymore to go out with their friends, while the childfree usually have plenty of that.

Since I'm not from America, I can't really talk about financial situation, because my country is different. But I would never agree to a thing called 'More taxes for childfree couples'. Like someone has mentioned before: It's not such a bad thing for the dooming overpopulation and fast deteriorating environment to say: "Let's not have children".

Let's just all live our -own- lives without telling other people what you think is best. Be it with or without kids, each side has its ups and downs.

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Ellen Walker, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the author of Complete Without Kids: An Insider's Guide to Childfree Living By Choice Or By Chance.

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