Any life choice has its positives and negatives, and parenting versus not-parenting is no different. Read More
10/10 article. Excellent job. Not only do you mention the pluses, you mention the minuses. Everything has both of them. The thing to do is weigh both sides and see what fits that particular person. From my own observations, many parents of children didn't weigh these options and just had a child anyway because, to them, "it was the thing to do, it's what everybody does." Now, they're beaten and exhausted, with many, many years left to parent their children. And even many of them wished they didn't have children. To put it in their own words: "If we knew what we knew now, we would've not had children at all."
And of course, we miss out on that crucial role like you mentioned in the article. Again, weigh the pros and cons. Is missing an important step in many people's lives worth the solitude, peace, early retirement, etc without children?
I disagree with your third disadvantage to not having children. If you help out your friends and other family, they will help you in exchange. I've helped many, and they have helped me when I needed them. Having a child is no guarantee that we'll be helped in the future by those same children. True, the same with the friends and such, but I guarantee that they'll most likely help more than most people's children, who will most likely put the person in a nursing home because they are too busy raising their children.
Yeah. THAT'S the reason I became a parent... so I'd fit in with my peers, and not feel like a misfit. Plus, I was bored. You must be PSYCHIC, you read me so well.
Of all the reasons to consider having kids, THOSE are the first ones that came to your head? REALLY? Were you even TRYING to think of reasons to have children?
I make a real effort to think the best of everyone, but you're making it hard.
This is the funniest comment I have ever read!!! I was laughing so hard that I was snorting! Thank you for being so honest. I was thinking exactly the same thing! I should have a child so that I can fit in with my peers and not be bored?! That's one of the stupidest things I have ever heard! Wait, is stupidest even a word? LOL Anyway, thanx!!! :)
The advantages to being a parent you come up with are fitting in and not being bored? Are you kidding? Maybe you should just stick to writing about the joys of being childfree because you clearly have no idea of what it is like to have children.
There are plenty of idiots that have kids to "fit in". Just look at MTV's teen parenting shows.
Supposedly, having kids will ensure that you'll have someone to take care of you when you're old...except that isn't necessarily true. Life is full of twists and turns and there are few guarantees, including that your kids will take care of you in the winter of your life. Here's a blog post that has much more detail on why this is just a wish: http://www.thespinsterliciouslife.com/2012/04/whos-going-to-take-care-of...
Eleanore Wells, Author, The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree
You won’t have anyone to take care of you in your old age.
This one gets me. You should not have kids to make them care for you in your old age. There are also other your family members who can be there for support if you have relationships with them.But procreating to have other people to care for you is not a good reason to have kids.
You will miss out of what many consider to be a crucial life role.
If you choose to be child-free then you are NOT missing anything. You are choosing not to participate in that choice.
You’re never bored.
I know parent who get bored and everyone gets bored. I don't think that I will have kids so that I am not bored. I feel that we really do not need these articles. If you want kids, have them. If you do not, don't. There is no wrong choice
My sister spent her entire life trying to fit in socially, but it wasn't until she had kids that her social capital rose enough for her to feel accepted. With the birth of her first child, she went from a deeply angry person with virtually no friends to being part of the "in" crowd. Finally, she got validation for her anger and self-righteousness by redirecting it as a lament about parenting hardships with her childed peers.
Unfortunately, motherhood does not suit her. She has thoroughly disproved the myth that parenting makes you a more patient person. She treats her kind-hearted husband like hell, bullies her kids, and quite vocally judges the hell out of anyone who chooses not to have children. She finally has the validation she craved for so long, but everyone close to her has paid the price, and those of us who know the truth about her situation wish she'd had the courage to fix herself instead of selfishly seeking acceptance by having kids. Or, if she couldn't face her demons, we wish she could have somehow found the courage to remain childfree.
I love how multiple people scoffed at the fact that two of the Pros for parenthood were "Fitting in" and "Never being bored", but neglected to offer any suggestions as to what they thought would be better Pros.
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Ellen Walker, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the author of Complete Without Kids: An Insider's Guide to Childfree Living By Choice Or By Chance.
When and how should we open up to loved ones?