I read a blog recently written by a mom who expressed her opinion that motherhood has made her a better person. She explained that, prior to her unplanned pregnancy, she was an irresponsible party girl and this lifestyle came to a screeching halt once she found out that she was going to be a mother. The theme of the article was that motherhood makes one a better person and that women who don't have this experience lack in certain qualities such as sense of responsibility, compassion, and patience.
As you might imagine, the letters flew in with a fury from nonmothers who have never explored their wild side and didn't think highly of someone who grew up only after getting pregnant.
I'll join in with the gang who believes that you don't have to be a parent to grow up and become a more mature, less selfish adult. Some of my arguments are as follows:
Parents aren't across-the-board unselfish.
In my role as a psychologist, I evaluate mothers and fathers who have had their children removed from their care due to abuse, neglect, or failing to protect their kids from dangerous people. Even after seeing these kinds of parents for many years, I continue to be amazed that a person wouldn't grow up and do what is right once they become a parent. It's especially tough to observe these parents interacting with their children, most of whom are adorable and delightful. How can a woman who has discovered that she's pregnant continue to use drugs? It seems unnatural to me for a mother to not be protective of her child.
Most of us, even those who loved to party when we were young, take a step toward maturity in early adulthood.
This stage of life just happens to coincide with the time when many pregnancies take place, planned or unplanned. The reality here is that, with or without a child, most of us naturally settle down. We can no longer stay up all night and still focus at work, and most of us prefer stability over chaos and constant change. Plus, we need to make these changes, because we take on responsibilities such as student or car loans and lease agreements.
Childfree adults have more time than any other group to give to the community.
The adults I interviewed for my book, Complete Without Kids, were busy with volunteer activities and giving of themselves to friends and family members. According to time experts, childfree adults have eight more hours each day of free time than do parents of two children, and so they are able to donate this time to helping in some way. As I write this article at 6:45 in the evening, most parents are involved in the busiest time of their day, making dinner, assisting with homework, intervening with sibling squabbles, and supervising bedtime routines.
Childfree adults have lower impact on the environment.
Each child that is brought into the world, at least into the western world, uses a huge carbon footprint, while an adult who chooses to not procreate has only him or herself to care for. The above-mentioned luxury of time also means that we are likely to skip take-out or processed foods and instead make meals from scratch. Our world will hit the 7 billion mark by the end of this month, and we should be thanking each and every adult who chooses to not add to the impact on earth for his or her contribution.
