The choice of whether or not to have children is probably the most important one of a man's life. Just think about it-if you marry the wrong person, you can get a divorce. If you go into the wrong career, you can retool and try something else. If you move into the wrong neighborhood, you can pack up and relocate. But a child is your responsibility for the next eighteen years, and on some levels for the rest of your life.
Many men don't pay attention to natural signs that tell them whether or not fatherhood is the choice for them, and then when they find themselves a father-to-be, they have to quickly get into that mindset. Wouldn't it make more sense to consider this option carefully, rather than leaving your future up to fate??
So, what are some signs to pay attention to that suggest that being a father might be right for you?
1) When I imagine my life ten years from now, I'm a father and relishing, rather than resenting, this role. Raising a child to age 21 costs over 200,000 British pounds-and it takes on average eight hours a day to raise two kids to the age of eighteen. So, if you're going that route, you'd better think it's worth the expense, both in time and money!
2) I like the idea of teaching and setting limits with children, and learning how to do this with even a challenging kid would be rewarding for me. Keep in mind that your child will need constant guidance and boundaries. And you cannot predict whether or not you'll have a child with special needs, requiring even greater levels of parenting.
3) I enjoy spending time with children and being in places that are child-friendly. Children don't live in a bubble-they go to birthday parties and play soccer, and they like to have friends come over for play-dates. So, if you're going to be a dad, you'd better think these activities are fun, because you're going to be overseeing a lot of them!
4) I have an easy-going temperament, and I don't mind clutter. Children cry in inappropriate places, they have medical emergencies, and they create clutter. It's critical that a parent be flexible, patient, and able to change plans readily.
There are also some signs that suggest that you shouldn't have kids.
1) I find myself feeling annoyed when in a restaurant with children seated nearby. Kids are noisy and messy, and dinnertime in most homes is not an adult-sanctuary! Having a child means giving up quiet, tidy meals and having spilled milk to attend to on a routine basis.
2) My vision of the future is of me, having an adventure and not being responsible for anybody else. If you have recreational pursuits that take a lot of time and money, and you don't like the idea of having to make sacrifices with these, then parenting is probably not for you.
3) I wouldn't want to have to be a positive role model for a child. Remember, parenting is not being a best buddy. You're there to raise your child so that he can go out into the world as a responsible, independent adult.
4) The idea of getting up in the night to take care of a sick child causes my blood pressure to rise. Parenting means being a doctor, nurse, social planner, math tutor, chauffer, bail bondsman, chaperone, and etiquette instructor-to someone who can be obnoxious and disrespectful.
Don't forget that parenting is an option (unless you've already created the child), and once you're there, you can't back out. Many young people today are making the decision to not become parents, but to instead focus their time and energy on other pursuits. Childfree adults, for the most part, describe their lives as rich and full, and being a parent is not a walk through the park. It's a serious job, and most parents would agree that it's a very challenging job. More and more parents are admitting that they wish they'd thought it through more carefully, because they are not feeling fulfilled with their role as parent.
Read through the signs above and seriously ask yourself which ones best describe you. If two or more in either category is a fit, this is a sign that the described lifestyle may be for you. The next step is to do more research. If you think you would like being a dad, go out and find some families to spend time with-this will let you see what it's really like. Likewise, if you think you shouldn't become a dad, confirm your hunch by doing this same assignment. This decision is truly life-altering, and the critical point is that you don't want to find yourself having regrets, and not being able to change the course of your life.
