On Wednesday afternoon, my husband got a phone call telling him that his eighty-nine-year-old mother, who lives in our town, had fallen and been taken to the hospital. We didn't think much of it, because this same scenario has happened on several other occasions, but when he finally made it home late that night, I found out that this time was different-she had broken her hip!! So, the past few days have been a whirlwind of time in the hospital, time at her apartment tending to her cat, and time spent researching various rehab options for her after-hospital recovery. My husband, Chris, has two brothers, and they each dropped everything and rushed into town to assist.
It's been a huge wake-up call, as I've asked myself who would be there in this way for me, willing to put everything else aside to tend to my needs? As a childfree adult, I will never have grown children who will step in to help, so I'll need to figure it out on my own-I'd better get started early!!
So what are unique future planning areas for childfree adults?
Childfree adults need to put effort into building a support network for themselves, or make plans to be able to hire one.
One man I met this week at a rehab facility told us that, after spending a week sleeping on his mother's sofa post-surgery, he had realized that he needed to have her spend a couple of weeks in a rehab facility-he was simply worn out. Sometimes parents have expectations of their children, and children feel obligated to help their parents, even if this level becomes unfeasible and unhealthy, because it's hard to say no. I'll never have this choice, and as a childfree adult, I am fully aware of the need to make sure I will have the needed funds to hire the help I will need. From what I've seen in this area, relationships formed with hired caretakers can be wonderful, and the best part is that the care and attention is consistent and not provided with resentment. An adult child, on the other hand, may feel frustrated with having to drop his or her plans to rush to the aide of a parent in need.
I also have a keen awareness of how important it is to nurture friendships, because the time and attention that I will receive from friends when I'm in need will be the perfect blend for healing, when combined with good paid-for assistance.
Childfree adults need to be creative in their estate planning.
When there aren't any kids to leave your stuff (money and personal possessions) to, what should you do? I thought long and hard about this very issue about a year ago, and the end result was for me a fun solution. I made the decision to leave the bulk of my estate, assuming there's anything left, to the university where I spent six wonderful years. I even created a scholarship fund specifically designated for childfree graduate students. If I were a parent, I likely would feel pressure to leave everything to my kids, and perhaps even to not spend my hard-earned money so that there would be something left for them.
When my girlfriend talked about wanting to leave her journals to her daughter, I felt a sense of sadness, but I also remember a number of situations in which friends have expressed frustration with having family heirlooms that they feel obligated to hang onto. These family treasures are now taking up space and not being enjoyed. No one will ever have to face either scenario with me!! My biggest treasures are my dogs, and so I took time to make sure that my will provided for them in a specified and generous way, with people who agreed to adopt them and money set aside for their care. I'll be getting a new puppy in a few weeks, so I'll need to update the will to make sure she's going to be cared for should something happen to me and my husband.
Childfree adults need to do their research ahead of time.
We spent hours this week learning about options for rehabilitation and then for assisted living, and sadly, my mother-in-law is no longer capable of helping out with this process. She has to put all of her trust in us to do what's best for her. But a childfree adult must think about the possible future scenarios. While we're still healthy and strong, we need to figure out what we will want for ourselves and make sure we're financially able to obtain this.
So, if you're childfree, set aside some time soon to begin to plan for your future, and make sure someone knows where you've kept your directives.
