Compassion Matters

How to save a life

by Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

Stop Bad Habits by Breaking from Your Inner Critic

As the holiday season and new year approaches, it is invaluable to take the time to look at why we are so self-deprecating and what we can do to rid ourselves of our distorted self-perceptions. By doing so, we give ourselves the opportunity to achieve our goals. Read More

How to Date Outside Your Comfort Zone

We don't always fall for someone because their positive qualities complement our own but also because their negative traits fit ours so well. So how do we improve our process of selection and choose people who will make us happy in the long run? Read More

Six Tips to Keep Long-Term Relationships Exciting

The idea that the excitement of a relationship is sentenced to only the first months or even years a couple is together is completely false. When it comes to a long-term relationship, we can maintain the thrill of being in love and deepen our feelings of passion and intimacy. Read More

Why Domestic Violence Occurs and How to Stop It

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and with domestic violence on the rise, it is an important time to face this difficult issue. Read More

7 Ways to Stop Violence at Every Age

Violence is the result of a combination of biological, social, and psychological factors, especially those that increase exposure to vulnerability, shame, and humiliation. Preventing violence must involve the opposite: making sure people feel safe, cared about, and connected, while ensuring they have a healthy and realistic sense of self-esteem and self-worth. Read More

Does Your Child Have a Mental Health Disorder?

"For the first time in more than 30 years, mental health conditions have displaced physical illnesses as the top five disabilities in U.S. children.” It’s time we start taking children’s mental health more seriously. Read More

What '50 Shades of Grey' Says About Our Sexuality

How much are we drawn to real romance, connection, passion, and affection with a partner? And how much are we drawn to fantasy? Are our actions moving us toward or away from having a close and fulfilling sexual relationship? Read More

What's Wrong With Infidelity?

In both a physical and emotional sense, the dangers of non-monogamy truly lie in the deceptions that take place. Read More

What is Killing Our Soldiers?

Time Magazine's recent cover story, "One a Day" alerted us to the heartbreaking high-rates of suicide among our military. With so many individuals at-risk, we must look for warning signs for suicide and learn how we can help save a life. Read More

All Hands on Deck: How We Can Help Someone Who's Suicidal

When we go about helping a suicidal person, we always want to connect with the part of them that wants to live and do nothing to support the part that wants to die. Knowing the warning signs for suicide and the helper tasks that can save a life equips us with powerful tools for assisting those at risk for suicide. Read More

Deception: The Real Villain Behind Relationship Infidelity

Damaging another person's sense of reality is immoral. While keeping a relatively insignificant secret from someone you're close to diminishes that person's reality, going to great lengths to deceive someone can actually make them question their sanity. Read More

Are You Hardy Enough?

What exactly makes the difference between those who get pushed over the edge with stress and those who, when faced with stressors, actually thrive and develop? Read More

Recognizing Complex Trauma

The value of familiarizing ourselves with the nature of complex trauma is immeasurable, especially when it results in getting people who are suffering to the help they need. Read More

Stop Self-Sabotage by Conquering Your Inner Critic

Each of us has a critical inner voice that operates as the agent of self-sabotage. Challenging this internal critic is the first step in breaking free from an identity that is not really you and beginning to pursue the things you want in life without undermining your chances of success. Read More

Offering Psychological First Aid After the Aurora Tragedy

There is no simple way, no straight-forward list of do’s and don'ts, to dispel the pain of the people going through real tragedy. However, Psychological First Aid is one of the most effective, immediate ways to help fellow human beings through the initial stage of crisis. The process is intended to lead to post-traumatic growth instead of post-traumatic stress disorder. Read More

Helping Parents Distinguish Love from Emotional Hunger

What I've found in my 25 years as a psychologist and researcher is that so much of how we parent has more to do with our needs than those of our children Read More

Self-Esteem Versus Narcissism

As a culture, we are highly concerned with self-esteem. Yet, we often fail to measure the many distinctions between self-esteem and vanity, or we fail to understand how our actions and reactions can serve to bolster one as opposed to the other. Read More

Becoming Your Real Self by Shedding the Baggage of Your Past

In my work, I have observed the struggles of many people to become who they were destined to be. A fundamental question for people to consider is whose life are they living. Read More

John Irving: Identity, Sexuality, and Society’s Assault on the Self

In all of our personal interactions, it is important first of all to acknowledge an individual’s identity as a fellow human being and then to acknowledge his or her sexual identity and choice of partner. Read More

Memorial Day: An Opportunity to Reach Out to Veterans

It's now estimated that more U.S. soldiers have died by suicide than have died in combat in Afghanistan and Iraq. Learn what we can do to help save lives. Read More

Creating Meaning by Facing Our Mortality

Our fears of mortality can leave us with an urge to retreat from life. Yet, this knowledge has the power to do just the opposite, to inspire us to live life full steam ahead, pursuing our most meaningful goals, staying close to our loved ones, and living with integrity, self-esteem, and purpose. Read More

Breaking the Fantasy Bond with Our Mothers

As women struggle to become their own person, to develop their own identity, to feel confident in their personal and professional goals, and to keep passion and love alive in their relationship, they often experience a kind of fear that their independence will threaten the illusory connection with their mother. Read More

What's Behind Emotional Overeating?

To have a healthy body, it is necessary for us to take action of a physical level with diet and exercise, but to have a healthy relationship with food, it is necessary for us to understand ourselves on a deeper emotional level or to uncover why we eat the way we eat. Read More

Breaking Free from Addiction

Like a dance, an addiction finds a pattern by which to step seamlessly into a person’s life, luring and condemning, comforting and destroying. People who struggle with any addiction are acting according to the prescriptions of a destructive thought process known as the critical inner voice. Read More

The Abuse of Overparenting

As parents, we all have that innate desire to protect and provide for our kids. Yet, at some point we must ask ourselves, are we doing too much for them? When do our actions cross the line from offering our kids security to hurting their self-confidence? Read More

Is Our Aversion to Pain Killing Us?

This abuse of drugs is a symptom of a larger psychological problem. In our ceaseless search for relief, we have become a pain-averse culture. Why has our society weakened our perceived tolerance and become so determined to avoid feelings? Read More

Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship

For countless couples, the "spark" fades when real love is replaced by a fantasy of connection. When couples lose feelings for each other, rather than challenging destructive patterns in their relating, they tend to either break up or sink deeper into fantasy for fear of losing each other or being alone. The good news is these feelings of excitement can be restored. Read More

Is Sexual Stereotyping Affecting Your Relationship?

Many of our actions are still influenced by misconceptions about men and women that have been passed down through generations. In spite of their stated values, a surprising number of couples relate to each other based on stereotypical views of the sexes. Read More

Are You an Addict?

Addictive behaviors are appealing because they offer immediate relief from psychological pain and anxiety. However, the relief is only temporary, never providing a lasting solution to our problems. When we "sober up," we find that our emotional pain is still there. Read More

Changing Your Body Image Once and for All

Our basic self-perception is shaped by both positive and negative programming from our past. Early experiences that we never imagined would have impacted our way of seeing ourselves remain the sources for inaccurate self-criticism throughout our lives. Read More