Compassion Matters

How to save a life.

by Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

Creating Meaning by Facing Our Mortality

Our fears of mortality can leave us with an urge to retreat from life. Yet, this knowledge has the power to do just the opposite, to inspire us to live life full steam ahead, pursuing our most meaningful goals, staying close to our loved ones, and living with integrity, self-esteem, and purpose. Read More

Breaking the Fantasy Bond with Our Mothers

As women struggle to become their own person, to develop their own identity, to feel confident in their personal and professional goals, and to keep passion and love alive in their relationship, they often experience a kind of fear that their independence will threaten the illusory connection with their mother. Read More

What's Behind Emotional Overeating?

To have a healthy body, it is necessary for us to take action of a physical level with diet and exercise, but to have a healthy relationship with food, it is necessary for us to understand ourselves on a deeper emotional level or to uncover why we eat the way we eat. Read More

Breaking Free from Addiction

Like a dance, an addiction finds a pattern by which to step seamlessly into a person’s life, luring and condemning, comforting and destroying. People who struggle with any addiction are acting according to the prescriptions of a destructive thought process known as the critical inner voice. Read More

The Abuse of Overparenting

As parents, we all have that innate desire to protect and provide for our kids. Yet, at some point we must ask ourselves, are we doing too much for them? When do our actions cross the line from offering our kids security to hurting their self-confidence? Read More

Is Our Aversion to Pain Killing Us?

This abuse of drugs is a symptom of a larger psychological problem. In our ceaseless search for relief, we have become a pain-averse culture. Why has our society weakened our perceived tolerance and become so determined to avoid feelings? Read More

Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship

For countless couples, the "spark" fades when real love is replaced by a fantasy of connection. When couples lose feelings for each other, rather than challenging destructive patterns in their relating, they tend to either break up or sink deeper into fantasy for fear of losing each other or being alone. The good news is these feelings of excitement can be restored. Read More

Is Sexual Stereotyping Affecting Your Relationship?

Many of our actions are still influenced by misconceptions about men and women that have been passed down through generations. In spite of their stated values, a surprising number of couples relate to each other based on stereotypical views of the sexes. Read More

Are You an Addict?

Addictive behaviors are appealing because they offer immediate relief from psychological pain and anxiety. However, the relief is only temporary, never providing a lasting solution to our problems. When we "sober up," we find that our emotional pain is still there. Read More

Changing Your Body Image Once and for All

Our basic self-perception is shaped by both positive and negative programming from our past. Early experiences that we never imagined would have impacted our way of seeing ourselves remain the sources for inaccurate self-criticism throughout our lives. Read More

Perfect Love in the Twilight Saga: Real Love or a Fantasy Bond?

Perfect loves and addictive bonds, like that depicted so intensely in Twilight, are not always based on the qualities and realities that would lead to lasting relationships. Instead, they may be based on a draw toward fantasy, a false sense of being completed, or an innate desire to merge one's identity with another. Read More

Are You Addicted to Doomed Relationships?

Given the variety and diversity of people in the world, one is often left to wonder: So why do I keep winding up with the same type of partner? Why, no matter how many new criteria I mentally create, do I seem to be addicted to the same not-so-great relationship? Read More

Tips for Helping Kids Handle Their Emotions

Though it can seem like we are stumbling blindly through the web of challenges parenting presents, there are ways to better understand our child's rapidly developing mind and strategies to help our children through their own personal challenges and emotional lows Read More

The Unselfish Gift of Going on a Retreat

Odd as it may seem, taking real, quality time to "escape" from your everyday routine and reflect on your own life is actually one of the best things you can do for the people who matter in your life. Read More

How to Bully-Proof Your Children by Building Their Resilience

The primary step in helping our children persevere when being bullied or facing other sources of trauma, is equipping them with a solid foundation of emotional resilience. Read More

How Childhood Defenses Hurt Us as Adults

When we internalize destructive attitudes during hurtful or traumatic experiences in our past, we strengthen our "anti-self." As we grow up, our anti-self resides within us and encourages us to take actions that replicate our past but that are damaging to us in the present. Read More

As Iraq Ends, a New Battle with PTSD Begins

With 40,000 men and women returning home from Iraq in the next few months, we must greet them with the tools to combat the emotional wounds of battle. Developing resilience can truly break the internal cycle that leaves so many individuals chronically stuck in a traumatized state. Read More

Eight Ways to Actively Fight Depression

For anyone experiencing the "stuckness" of depression, it's important to remember that depression is a very common and highly treatable disorder. By treating it like any other physical disease and taking the actions that will destroy the parasites infecting your mental state, you can conquer your depression. Read More

What Drives Jealousy?

What drives us to feel jealous and suffer over this stirring emotion isn't always the "smiling enemies" we formulate in our minds. The "sexy secretary" and "college love" are rarely the threats we think they are, but the overwhelming, possessed state of suspicion we enter because of these characters, can be a real hazard to our closest relationships. Read More

Suicide Prevention and Treatment in Rough Economic Times

In an uncertain economic climate and with countless lives affected by the tragedy of suicide, now is the time for us to take the initiative to better understand, assess, and treat suicidal individuals. Read More

How to Be Loving in the Age of Twitter

How much does technology that, in seconds, allows us to share “FaceTime” with a friend in India create distance between a loved one across the table? Read More

40,000 Prisoners Released: Why This Is Good News for Mental Health Care

The U.S. Supreme Court’s decision to order California to release nearly 40,000 prisoners from state prisons has had many people thinking one thing, “What’s next?” Could this mark an essential shift in the treatment of prisoners suffering with a mental illness? Read More

Your Child’s Self Esteem Starts With You

All parents both love and hate themselves, and they extend both of these reactions to their children. Read More

The Key to Healthy Relationships: It's All in Your Head

How do the emotional injuries from our past create problems in our present relationships? Learn how making sense of our history and getting to know our own minds helps us better relate to another person. Read More

How to Tell the Difference Between Real Love and Fantasy

Fantasy can lead us to choose romantic partners for the wrong reasons. And even if we choose people for the right reasons, our devotion to our fantasies can lead us to destroy any real sense of intimacy. So how do we separate honest love from an illusion of connection? Read More

The Inner Voices Behind Violent Behavior

Many risk factors for violence can't be changed, but a person's thinking is a risk factor that can be. Understanding what is going on in the mind of someone who is violent allows us to better assess the risk for violence and to intervene, protecting both the potential perpetrator and the victim.

The goal in a relationship is to be close and still maintain an identity as a separate person. When people are in an individuated state, they are happier and more optimistic. They have a stronger sense of themselves and are even capable of more intimacy, love and passion in their relationship. So how can we get close to someone else without losing ourselves? Read More

Making Love Last by Learning to Love

Expressing affection, sexuality and caring are universally considered loving behaviors. Similarly, there are specific actions that are recognized as going against loving feelings. By approaching ourselves and our relationships with this proactive, pro-action perspective, we can change the course of our relationships and develop into more loving individuals. Read More

Improve Your Mood Instantly

A new study shows daydreaming is not good for people's moods. By living fully in the moment, we can identify the destructive, self-critical thoughts that sneak in and influence our emotions, actions and the way we are conducting our lives. Read More

It’s not you, it's me: The truth behind the excuse

There can be great value, practically and therapeutically, to taking an It’s not you, it’s me approach to your relationship. Rather than using this as an excuse when ending your involvement with someone, why not use it as an exercise to improve your relationship with that person? Read More