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How to Recognize and Handle Passive-Aggressive Behavior

How to recognize and deal with passive-aggressive people

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The American Psychiatric Association defines passive-aggressive personality disorder as a "pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in social and occupational situations."

Passive- aggressive actions can range from the relatively mild, such as ignoring a personal or work related phone call, to the very serious, such as indirectly undermining someone’s well-being and success.

Most chronically passive-aggressive individuals have four common characteristics: They’re unreasonable to deal with, they’re uncomfortable to experience, they rarely express their hostility directly, and they repeat their subterfuge behavior over time. Passive aggressiveness may be directed towards a person or a group.

Below are four categories of passive aggression:

Disguised Verbal Hostility. Negative gossip. Sarcasm. Veiled hostile joking — often followed by "just kidding." Repetitive teasing. Negative orientation. Habitual criticism of ideas, solutions, conditions, and expectations.

Disguised Relational Hostility. The silent treatment. The invisible treatment. Social exclusion. Neglect. Backstabbing. Two faced. Mixed messages. Deliberate button pushing. Negative or discomforting surprises. Overspending. Sullen resentment. Indirectly hurting something or someone of importance to the targeted person.

Disguised Task Hostility. Procrastination. Stalling. Forgetting. Stonewalling. Withholding resources or information. Professional exclusion. Denying personal responsibility. Excuse making. Blaming. Broken agreements. Lack of follow through. Resistance. Stubbornness. Rigidity. Avoidance. Inefficiency, complication, incompletion or ruination of task.

Hostility Towards Others Through Self-Punishment (“I’ll show YOU”). Quitting. Deliberate failure. Exaggerated or imagined health issues. Victimhood. Dependency. Addiction. Self-harm. Deliberate weakness to elicit sympathy and favor.

In short, passive aggressiveness is anger, hostility, and/or learned helplessness in disguise, expressed in a covert, underhanded way to "even the score," and with the hope of "getting away with it." The perceived payoffs for the passive-aggressive are greater power, control, and negative emotional satisfaction.

There are many communication skills and strategies you can use to deal with a passive aggressive individual. In my reference guide “How to Successfully Handle Passive-Aggressive People,” you can learn how to maintain composure, ways to be proactive instead of reactive, seven powerful strategies to handle passive-aggressive behavior, three types of humor to disarm negativity, and seven types of power you can utilize to compel cooperation. Download a free excerpt of (click on title) “How to Successfully Handle Passive-Aggressive Peoplehere.

For more on personal and professional success, download free excerpts of my publications (click on titles or covers): "How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People," "Communication Success with Four Personality Types,"  "The 7 Keys to Life Success," "Wealth Building Attitudes, Values, and Habits," and "Confident Communication for Female Professionals," and "7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success."

        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. is available as a presenter, workshop facilitator, and private coach. For more information, write to commsuccess@nipreston.com, or visit www.nipreston.com.

© 2014 by Preston C. Ni. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Preston Ni is a professor, presenter, private coach, and author of Communication Success with Four Personality Types and How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People. more...

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