Gavin de Becker, in his book, Gift of Fear, writes about trusting your instincts and what the consequences are if you do not. Becker describes numerous cases where people who were victimized initially had a bad feeling, a hunch or noticed that something was not quite right about a person or situation they were in. Failure to heed this "intuition," for those he described, led to painful and often tragic consequences. While revisiting his bestselling book a few weeks ago it reminded me of an event from my past. While I have had scary moments in my life like most of us, this was one time where I felt ‘spooked' for no good reason and had to make a quick decision.
One night as a graduate student I had entered my dormitory and walked in the hallway towards the elevator. Now, anyone familiar with university settings knows that there are often strangers who come to dorms, so when I saw a guy I had never seen before standing in the lobby by the elevator I paid him no particular attention.
It was late so there was no one on duty at the front office and I guess the night staff hadn't arrived or was on rounds in the building so it was just me and the 'guy' I didn't know.
As I pressed the button for the elevator I became more aware of him. It wasn't cold outside but he had on a green army field jacket and he had his hands in his coat's pockets. If it were the late 70s or early 80s, okay, maybe. But it was 1999 and unless his name was David Banner or John Rambo it was a total red flag. That was my first clue.
My second clue came when the elevator doors opened. I entered the elevator and then he got on right behind me.
Now wait!
Why was this guy standing in the lobby all of this time and hadn't already pressed the button for the elevator? He should have already been at his destination. I took one look at him and disembarked from the elevator. I made a conscious decision that if he stepped off the elevator I would hit him with everything I had and would run for the exit.
Physically, the guy was unimposing. He was shorter than me, had no muscular build and besides the green army field jacket didn't appear to be a threat. Besides, I had practiced martial arts since I was eight and at that time I had been boxing five times a week, lifting weights every other day and had been practicing judo for nearly a year. I was no pushover (in my mind). But this guy spooked me like the Benjamin Linus character in Lost.
Who knows what would have happened, but I was glad I never had to find out. He didn't follow me and later I made it safely to my room.
Even though some may consider my plan an extreme tactic, at that moment I felt it was more valuable to heed my instincts in the short run than to suffer lasting consequences. Besides, in most cases, what's the worst that could happen by paying attention to first impressions caused by fear? You may just embarrass yourself from jumping to a conclusion.
Oh well!
*I am not advocating punching or using violence on strangers because they give you the jitters.
Bakari Akil II, Ph.D. is the author of Super You! 101 Ways to Maximize your Potential! You can also check out his page on Twitter.
