As I entered the hallway that leads to my office, I saw him sitting there. He hadn't been present in class for a few weeks, but here he was waiting for me before my office hours began. I entered my office, placed my gear down and sat down behind my desk. He followed me and sat down as well.
We eyed each other warily. He was looking at me curiously because he wanted to see if his spiel would work. I was viewing him with caution because I knew the excuses were going to start flying ‘hot and heavy' and most likely he would leave the room disappointed. Here's how the conversation went:
Dr. Akil: What can I do for you?
Student: Ah. I know I have missed a few classes, but I was sick for a while and I wanted to see how I'm doing in the class?
Dr. Akil: Well, you've missed more than a few classes. In fact, most of those absences took place well before and well after the week (two days) you missed due to illness.
Student: I've also been going through a lot of personal issues and I really need to pass this class. Is there anything I can do?
Dr. Akil: (After a long pause) At this point, you would have to make a B or higher on every assignment that we have left and you wouldn't be able to miss any more days.
Since it was past the withdrawal period this was the only advice I could give him and based on his past academic performance and spotty attendance record I didn't hold much hope for his success. Then he pulled a fast one. He switched momentum on me so quickly I wasn't quite ready for it.
He accepted my offer, said thank you and then acted as if he was beginning to leave. He then turned and said, "By the way. I always meant to ask, where do you train BJJ?
He hit me in my soft spot. On my staff page I list my research interests, hobbies and blogs. One of my hobbies is Brazilian Jiu-jitsu (wrestling with submissions) and I also blog about it. So it is no secret that I train. I also happen to know that he trains because he told the class on the first day during introductions. So it was a "legitimate" question.
I immediately recognized what was happening but at the same time it was a rather innocuous request so I didn't refuse to answer. Before I knew it we were in a back and forth discussion on whom our trainers were, competitions, belt ranks and training facilities near the college.
This student had just used a classic technique used by auto salesmen when attempting to gain the trust and good will of a customer. Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., in his classic book, Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion, discusses it in detail. When the salesman looks at a trade-in he may see tennis racquets, a set of golf clubs or baseball equipment. Later during the course of their conversation the salesman will casually mention his connection with the sport. The customer usually responds positively and the salesman uses it to build automatic rapport. It's a compliance technique and it is used to persuade you to do things you otherwise might not do.
In our case, as we discussed BJJ, I could feel the door to my professional detachment about his predicament become unhinged. I knew it was happening and he did as well. He had established a connection that he hoped would keep him from receiving the grade he earned. However, even though what I was feeling bothered me, what was more important about the interaction is that I recognized what was going on even though it initially threw me off balance. I knew what was happening the entire time it was happening.
It must be noted that Cialdini expresses the importance of having this knowledge in combating professional and amateur attempts at compliance tactics. Further, although the student did use a compliance technique on me, whether he passes or not is still up to him. Many students that I have worked with in the past who were in his predicament applied themselves for a while and then returned to their old ways. Then there were those who performed a complete ‘180' and amazed me with their dedication. I have taught long enough to know that whether or not he passes will obviously be based on his actions.
Yet, I also know a little persuasion always helps.
Bakari Akil II, Ph.D. is the author of Super You! 101 Ways to Maximize your Potential! You can also check out his page on Twitter.
