Although it's often thought that school success comes from natural giftedness, there is a lot of evidence that other factors contribute greatly to academic achievement. In a column called "Rising Above IQ" (New York Times, June 7, 2009, p. 10 WK), Nicholas Kristof recently discussed how cultural differences, hard work, and ambition affect school performance. In my previous post, I discussed the connection between being able to control impulses-- as you need to do to play "Simon Says"-- and some aspects of success in school.
Research on kindergarteners has suggested that children who do well in games that require impulse control are the ones who gain most in math skills during their kindergarten year. Part of this outcome is probably based on the fact that to do good work in math a student needs to be able to control impulses, wait, plan, and decide how to solve a problem. Another part is probably related to the general advantage experienced by children who control themselves effectively. Self-controlled children can sit still reasonably well, listen to the teacher, look at the right page in the book, and keep themselves from being distracted by the kid making faces in the next seat.
In the school setting, teachers and others often remind children to control themselves. But schools do not offer a self-control curriculum; they expect children to come in with age-appropriate abilities for regulating their excitement and attention. Not all children have these. Why is this? How do children become self-regulated to begin with?
It's thought that the beginnings of self-control occur very early in life in the form of "dyadic self-regulation". This term refers to the calming and soothing of an infant while interacting with a concerned caregiver. The dyad (pair) learn from each other what helps the distressed baby settle down-- and learning is necessary on both sides, because the baby does not know how to calm, and the adult finds that different babies respond to different actions. When the baby of a few months is crying frantically, the caregiver tries a variety of comforting methods. These may range from walking the baby, patting, talking, singing, to changing a diaper (not usually the problem), trying to feed (difficult if the baby is very upset), or even putting the baby down in a quiet place in case he or she is just overstimulated.
By trial and error, the adult finds what seems to work with this baby, and does the right things more and more promptly and effectively-- and the baby follows suit. For example, if the baby seems most comforted by a certain position, he or she may begin to squirm when held until the caregiver shifts to make that nice position possible. If a certain position enables the baby to get the thumb to the mouth, that position is sought. By a year of age or less, most well-cared-for babies have figured out what is comforting and will seek it themselves. You may see a toddler who is usually nursed or rocked in a rocking chair climb up into the rocker when unhappy and sit there alone to calm down. One toddler who had skinned his knee ran crying across the yard to his mother, and could be heard along the way sobbing to himself "What the matter, sweetie?"-- the words he had heard during dyadic comforting. Learning self-comforting from an engaged, affectionate caregiver is a major step toward developing self-regulation.
Older toddlers and preschoolers may also receive specific instruction that's related to self-control. They learn words that they can use to help control their own and others' actions. "Wait! The light's red-- okay, now we can go." " Don't touch, that's too hot. You can have this one, it's cool." "Gently, gently, just pat the doggie very lightly." (Or, in the immortal words of Dave Barry, "Don't put your finger in that part of the doggie"!) In many families and good child care centers, preschoolers receive guidance and supervision in sharing and taking turns, learning important methods for controlling impulses and regulating emotional reactions.
So, do these experiences develop children's self-regulation and thus help them on math tasks? It's a plausible connection, but such a conclusion would be speculative at this point, because there are many other factors that help determine both of the outcomes. It is certainly an issue that a child's temperament, or innate way of reacting to the world, can make him or her more impulsive than most. Children who are easily distressed and become very agitated may need different treatment than calmer children in order to become capable of self-control, but it is not yet clear what the differences should be.
How about playing "Simon Says" or "Red Light, Green Light"? There are no guarantees, but anything that's fun for adults and children to do together will probably help develop both self-control and good relationships. Keep in mind, though, that the adults need to control themselves too-- modeling uncontrolled behavior informs children that self-regulation is not very important after all.
